About Me

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Portland, Oregon, United States
Middle aged crazy, a little on the broken side,been to hell and back and still make side trips into Purgatory to indulge the masochistic side of my personality. I'm Texan,Southern,Over-educated,arrogant, temperamental,oversexed but under-indulged.Chasing after younger men and the happiness that has eluded me for most of my life.Music and literature are my passions.Finally living the dream in my idea of Heaven.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Dear Roger:Achievement, Unlocked!

Im waking up another year older this morning and I actually dont have a single damn thing to whine about. I mean, over the past 3 weeks so much has happened that I have often felt that I have been riding on the back runaway bronc that I am just slightly starting to get control of, and actually I sort of enjoy it,(that daredevil bone again), so really, no complaints.
I have a fantastic new job with a company that actually supports and encourages me. The CEO is a woman, my direct supervisor is awesome and very direct and just lays it all out to me and gives me clear expectations and lets me get stuff done and there is potential to actually go places with this company,(once I find my butt with both hands), and I love my complex, even with the occasional knucklehead to deal with, its still a great place with a lot of potential in a wonderful neighborhood.
Our new apartment is wonderful, even though its a  smaller, and the carpet will be getting replaced in a few days which will be interesting with all of us living here, its still a cool apartment and we are happy here. We got rid of our tv's for the time being and its actually been good for all of us, we talk more, listen to music more and of course play games and read and just hang out more.
Like I mentioned yesterday, I have a best friend and he means the world to me. He hears all my big news before anyone else, be is bad or good and he always has something to say to make me laugh, especially if he is causing an international incident with Chile and I have to wonder if they are going to bombard us with llamas any moment due to his machinations.
My kids are doing wonderful. They are all in new schools and in my daughters school there are three gifted kids in her CLASS instead of just in her entire school! She is being kept on her toes and challenged and she comes home in a great mood and busy with schoolwork. Stubby has a male teacher and he needed that. He likes him and the work is starting to make him really focus on his schooling more. Sticky asked to go live with his father at the first of the month, and with the transition to the new neighborhood and the issues with the Oregon Sped system, and the fact that his father really finally seems to have his act sort of together, I agreed to try it for a while. It was a very difficult decision, but Sticky had been asking for a long time and shockingly the Sped programs in AZ are just soo much better than the ones in Oregon. He had a good teacher here, and the class aide was amazing, and they were awesome to him, but there was no way he was ready for 8th grade. In AZ he will be back in 7th grade again next year and back with his original cohort, and back in regular classes with an aide and his father has a work schedule that will allow him to be home with him every afternoon. My eldest son is returning to traditional High School! He likes the looks of the business program offered by the local HS and he is tired of the looks he gets from everyone when they ask what grade he is in so he decided to just return, do the accelerated program along with summer school and he hopes to graduate on time.
I finally own a car. After months and months of debating and agonizing and trying to secure financing and dealing with every shyster auto dealer in town, I found a program called Wheels to Work thanks to a woman at Gresham Ford and I applied for it, went through all the steps,(harder than getting a home mortgage), qualified, and as of day before yesterday, I went back to Gresham Ford and I bought my car from the same lady who referred me to the program. I have an Oregon drivers license license now as well,(finally!), thanks to the support and kindness,(and nagging), of friends and family and the program, and I am working on getting all my student loans sorted out so I can finish my Masters Degree.
I also plan to sit down this weekend and pull up that long ignored file on my desktop and finish the editing so I can finally publish my 4th novel.
All in all I think I have finally hit my stride.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Dear Roger: Everybody Needs One

I have spent most of my life without something most people take for granted, large in part to my stand-offish nature, my inability to trust people deeply enough, and just the complications of my life not allowing it, but I have discovered over the last few months that I finally have something I have long needed; a best friend.
He didn't start out that way, in fact I had a horrible crush on him, but having a horrible crush on a gay man is like shopping in a high end store with no money, its fruitless,(snort!) and gets you nothing but frustrated and maybe arrested when you finally snap and start grabbing the goods. The feelings have changed though and I don't know how to explain how or why, but maybe its because they have grown and matured? Dont get me wrong, I love him with all my heart and I enjoy spending time with him more than anyone else, but I have no expectations and there is no pressure or stress anymore. Its fun because often we check out the same guys.
Hes funny and kind and compassionate, but he also brings a good dose of reality and practicality to my life. He's the Yin to my Yang, the mellow to my harsh, and when I am having a day full of stress and pressure, he just seems to know the right words to make me laugh and relax.
He reminds me very much of you and sometimes that makes my heart ache a lot, but then I am soo damn grateful he is in my life because my kids love him. Stubby and Monkey girl have told him many times that he would be a fantastic daddy and while he shudders in horror when they say that, he has stepped into that role for them and they have pulled him into our little family kicking and screaming and made him part of us. When he is late for dinner we worry and all of our talk of future plans include him.
I am very protective of him, just like I am of any of my family, and I have a hard time not flying to his defense when I feel he is being wronged or taken advantage of, but like he has told me, I am the master of passive aggressive, so those who wrong him will eventually feel it.
He listens to me when I rant and when I talk about mistakes I have made and he doesn't judge, he may tease me gently and he may even point out things that show my age and call me "Mrs. Robinson", but its never mean like some try to be, his humor is actually witty and leaves me laughing. I have done soo many fun things with him I thought I would never do, like going to a Burlesque show,(twice now!), going to and singing Karaoke, going to the opening of an art exhibit downtown at night, going to Comicon, doing the Aids Walk, and applying for a much better job and moving to the neighborhood I always wanted to move to in Portland and finally applying for and getting the loan for a car. Yeah...if not for him, I wouldn't have been able to do that stuff because every step of the way, when I doubted myself or there was some roadblock in my way, my best friend was right there beside me to help me move it out of my way and to keep me moving forward.