Dear Roger: Nerdy As Hell, Loyal To The Bone or Stuck In A Rut?

My job requires me to judge people. I talk to them, take their applications for a home, listen to their stories if their history is less than stellar and I make a decision if I want to let them be my neighbor. I have laws I have to obey, and once I follow those laws, then I am allowed to rely on my gut instinct to make my decisions and some of the people I have chosen to be my neighbors were not people most would expect. I've chosen a woman who came from very similar circumstances as my own, and she had been rejected time and time again and she was at the end of her rope when she walked through my door. I could have rejected her as well, but my gut told me to give her a chance, because I looked at her and saw myself nearly 3 years ago. She is a great resident almost 6 months later. There are plenty of other cases where I have gone with my gut and rented to people, or advocated for them, and they have proven me right time and time again in spite of where they came from or what they looked like. I am a person who puts great stock in the impression I get from meeting a person, talking to them, looking them in the eyes, seeing how they behave around children and others. There are people who have walked in and screened fine but I did not want to rent to them because my gut told me they were going to be trouble, and to the person they have been. If the laws allowed me more power to depend on my gut, I would have a lot less drama and hassle in my life. I interviewed, then gave a tour to and ultimately rented an apartment to, a stripper the other day. My gut tells me she is going to be a great neighbor and when she was embarrassed about telling me her job, I was quick to tell her there was no shame in working for a living.

When I have met a person, shook their hand, spoken to them, observed them up close and watched the body language and micro-gestures they use in their communication with the people around them, seen the subtle cues that give me indications of their personality quirks, whether or not they use drugs or have health issues, or even obsessive tics, I get a feel for that person that remains with me and I decide right then and there where that person ranks in my realm of importance or if they are even worthy of me remembering their name for more than a day or two. I do not change that opinion lightly and once I decide that person is worthy of consideration, they are included in my little pack of those I tend to stay loyal to and hold up for consideration. 

Im loyal to a few things. I've worn the same style of clothing for most of my life, I used Works for my writing until I had to change to a computer last year and could no longer get it. I had a qwerty slide out keyboard phone until a little over a year ago when it unfortunately went swimming in a bad, bad place. I still love the same little band of broken and frayed and largely missing; musicians. I have loved the same damn man for over 15 years to no avail. I don't know so much if I am a creature of habit or just stuck in a rut, but I do tend to be understanding of people for the most part and when one of my friends was angrily,(and rightfully so), complaining, that she felt unappreciated as a fangirl who had put forth a huge amount of effort to garner support for some of our favorite fellas, I found myself being an apologist for them. I don't know what the hell is going on with them either, but I tend to be forgiving. I've had very fucked up things going on in my life from time to time when I just chose to withdraw from the world and not talk to anyone,(no matter what damage it did), and yes, my book sales have suffered for it, but when you just don't have it in you to give, you don't and cant and yes, sometimes even a tweet is a lot. Depression, anger, family heartbreak, all kinds of things just can crash in or sometimes life just changes and you find another path and wander it for awhile. I've been doing that and my latest novel has sat on my desktop for the last 3 months, completed, ready to go and im not ready to send it because I have lost the voice for the time being. I've been writing something else and until it figures itself out, im going to wander. I hope my friend gets over her upset at them, its been a long, crazy trip and our band of miscreants has shrunk far to much by those who obviously never shook those hands and said,"Hello", face to face.