Dear Roger:My Muse Ran Off With My Ambition

I dont know if its Spring fever, the fact I have been distracted by all the pretty boys wandering around, the need to find a job, or just the general mess that is constantly going on in my life, but writing has not been coming easy for me lately. I think its maybe because I miss coffee so much. maybe I need my heart to be racing along like a hummingbird on speed in order to fuel that manic maniac that is my muse, but I have been lackadaisical at best. I have revised a few of my songs/poems, edited my stories and come up with a few ideas, and actually my moleskine has been getting utilized pretty regularly to jot down my ideas and musings, but as for my regularly scheduled story updates and writing...I am sadly remiss.

I have been going to the gym pretty regularly and I am getting in really good shape. The regular tanning is a double edged sword for me. Its helping my skin and its nice to not look as pale as a corpse, but the down side is that every single scar on my body now stands out in sharp detail, especially the ones on my chest and and stomach. The ones on my throat dont show as well which is nice, but the others really glow and I am not really happy about that. I am not particularly vain or concerned with things cosmetic, after all, I dont wear makeup or go for any of that salon stuff, but I really dont like looking all scarred up. My hands are actually the worst. The are all scarred and battered and rough looking. I have seen men with more femininen hands than what I have, but I guess with the life and work I have done, its to be expected. My son actually has my hands, we noticed that one evening while we were cooking dinner and it was kinda weird to see that, he even tends to chew his nails or pick and the cuticles when he is tense like I do.

Speaking of my son...he is most definitely NOT a morning person. I get up every morning at 0500 to start my day. Its part of my routine and it works for me. It also means I usually get the first shower and the majority of the hot water. He bitched and complained and threw such a fit that I challenged him to get his butt up and shower before me. He boldly claimed that it would be,"No problem" and he actually managed to do it for about 3 days. He managed to get up and he used all the hot water and he was mighty proud of himself, but then a teenagers true nature showed through and he began whining about the early hour. He started whining and saying, "You go first", which as you know, threw off my routine and ticked me off. I am not saying I am obsessive compulsive,(not much anyway), but I have ways of doing things and when I get into a way of doing things, I do not like to deviate or change them up. It was rather loud around here for a couple of mornings and I had to threaten to break out the bag of frozen corn to get him up and moving. He repaid me by using every drop of hot water. Kids are wonderful critters.

Man hunting has been pretty dismal. The pretty gay boys are out in force, but luckily my gaydar seems to be pretty attuned to them now and I am wasting less and less time with dogs that wont hunt.

I am hoping to do some writing this week, I have a few ideas kicking around in my skull and I need to get them written down. Hopefully I will find a job pretty soon, things have been pretty slow and as usual the economy and job market is still pretty slow for me. I dont know what I want to do and that is the big problem for me. I dont see myself working around the general public very well. I had considered going back into EMS or teaching or even school, but I just dont know. I am kinda at loose ends and I think I need to take stock of things and figure out what I am going to do.