Dear Roger:Refereeing Monkey Related Brawls

There are days that I have to wonder how any parents remain semi-sane. I can be sitting peacefully, minding my own business, and then all of the sudden I am surrounded by them. "What are you doing, mom? Why are you so quiet? Are you depressed? What are you reading? Look what I can do! One time, at school, my friend, Alexie, he ate a piece of gum from under the desk. MOM! He hit me! Whats for dinner? Can I have a snack? Can I watch a movie? Can I use your computer? Can you go on Pottermore? Want to make a new video? Theres nothing to drink!" Add into this the various aromas that drift around them and their teen brother, along with the brawls that break out over seemingly nothing, and you have a recipe for rapid growth insanity.

Yesterday I was sitting on the couch, just trying to check my bank account and maybe read the online newspaper since I am not allowed to watch the news on tv anymore since its,'Depressing and stupid" according to my teen, when the foulest aroma I have smelled since I was a forensic investigator drifted across my nose. I quickly pulled my t-shirt up over my nose as my teen son started laughing next to me on the couch. "Mom, I think those breakfast sandwiches you bought for me were a bad idea." I found out how much of a bad idea as he proceeded to foul the apartment the rest of the evening. I swear, candles we lit to dispel the foul aroma, burned brighter he was soo disgusting.

Having one bathroom has led to some serious conflicts of scheduling. My teen tends to hibernate in the bathroom to indulge in his, whatever the hell teens do in there for an hour at a time, and he forgets that he has 3 siblings who are not only devious and shameless, they also have small bladders. I have given up locking the bathroom door when I shower. I just tell them to not flush and to shut the door when they are done and I am thankful for opaque, monkey covered shower curtains. My son, tries to keep them out. Not a smart move because that leads to revenge seeking. The cold glasses of ice water tossed at him while he was in the shower sent a message that they were willing to break in and do bad things, but he retaliated instead of just accepting that they needed to come in and pee and leave. I drew the line when they grabbed his towel and as he chased them into the living room. No one needs to see that. The rule of the house is no naked in the living room. You would think it would be a simple rule to follow, but I have monkeys and its harder than you expect.

Speaking of monkeys, I have to get the boys something they value and love as much as my daughter loves her Jackson. For sanity's sake. My eldest son loves his guitars, so when hes being a jerk, she knows she can go right for that guitar and threaten its life and he will back off. The two younger boys are not emotionally invested in anything so they really don't have anything she can leverage against them and they terrorize her by stealing he Jackson and doing horrible things to him. I have had to rescue that monkey out of more boy pants and dog beds lately than I care to think about and the only thing that put a stop to it was the voice of doom followed by threats of a dire nature. Its for their own good, she gets pretty wound up and protective over that monkey and her Jackson stuff. Its bad enough they trash talk her favorite boy. She punched Stub in the mouth the other day and they both ended up in time out ,(sanity break for mom) for a half hour. Shes tough and very over-protective. Ive told her that boy couldn't give a damn about what some little snot nosed 9 year old says about him, but she just cried and said,"I give a damn!" The drama is just beginning I'm afraid.