Its been a hectic, crazy, exhausting couple of weeks, but now it is starting to settle down just a little bit and I finally have my desk back where its sort of in order again and I can every now and then steal a moment to write a thing or two.
I love my new apartment, I like having the high ground and the feeling of being able to see trouble coming. Yeah, I may be a paranoid nut job, but whatever, it also has a killer view of some mountains and the zombie apocalypse will have to make do with my neighbors first.
My job is keeping me busy and my boss is insisting I do things like write the newsletter and actually interact with people. Its a bit of a weird thing for me that occasionally takes me way beyond my comfort zone, but I guess that is a good thing? Im actually taking them a bit beyond their comfort zone in that I am getting them involved in using social media for marketing and trying out new things to promote the company. We will see how it all goes.
The kids are finally starting to get close to going back to school! I am soo damn happy about that! I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but I LOVE the start of school and some time to myself.
Me and my crazy assed dog have seemed to have finally reached an understanding about things. I wasn't really sure if I was ever going to bond with him, and this last month was especially hard on me, being that it was the 1 year anniversary of losing Fergus and the month Spencer turned 1. Hes the size of a small horse now, standing past my hip, with paws as big as my hand and a tail that seems to unerringly knock off everything I want to stay upright. It always felt like I was the one dealing with the less pleasant parts of his care while my eldest son, the one who was supposed to help me with his care, pretty much ignored him for the most part. I had reached the point of frustration with the entire situation that I had even begun seeking a better home for Spencer where he would actually have a chance of getting more attention and perhaps an owner who could spend time with him and not be injured,(hes dislocated my shoulder twice and pulled my knee out of place being rambunctious), so it was hard for me to feel anything but ire for him when I had to try and walk him. The closer it came to the anniversary of Fergs death, the more painful it became for me to deal with Spencer, and one evening I was sitting on the couch looking at pictures of of Ferg, back when I first got him, and I was crying when I realized that he, in a lot of ways resembled Spencer at that time in his life. He was big and goofy, all angles and paws and unsure of where all his parts were going at the same time and he knocked me off the porch at home a few times and knocked me over a few times before we reached our understanding, and he had a fondness for eating my favorite books when he was mad at me for leaving him home. He used to track mud inside when I had just mopped and if he got nervous about the fighting he would sometimes pee in fear before he would try to protect me. I try to give Spencer the benefit of the doubt about a lot of things and he genuinely seems to be a good and smart dog that wants to please us, but I had just not connected to him at all until some really weird things started happening.
After we got moved, it was almost as if my eldest son just quit caring about Spencer altogether, he wouldn't walk him, feed him water him or even spend a moment talking to him. I kept finding the dog laying at my feet at night as I sat on the couch or at my desk, in fact I almost tripped over him a few times. He followed me from room to room like a silent black shadow and when I would get out of the shower in the morning he would be sitting by the door, just like Fergus used to do. He started sitting at staring at me when he needed out, in fact he stopped ringing the bells at the door and just started walking up and staring at me or nudging my computer or my hand until I would get up and take him out. He started not jerking me around when we went out walking, heeling like we had been working together all along and things have been going smooth, but today was the icing on the weird cake.
Fergus used to freak out when I would sit on the ground or lay on the floor. He couldn't stand it. He would do his high pitched,"I don't like that!!" bark and he would bound around me like he was a crazy assed spring bok, trying to protect his young until I got up and proved I was okay. When I took Spencer out this afternoon and let him run around in the grass for a bit, I got tired and I decided to sit in the cool grass for a bit. I was like Fergs spirit took him over because the minute my butt hit that grass, Spence was in my face doing THAT bark. He was bounding around me freaking out until I got up but once I got up, he stopped and just flopped down with his tongue hanging out staring at me and my daughter after I yelled at him,"Spencer Jackson! Cool your Jets!!" Thats another thing, he wont respond to his shortened name, my damn kids have him trained to only respond to his FULL name for the full dorky effect, so just in time for me to finally bond with the damn dog, I realize I will forever lose my cool cred anytime I walk him anywhere. I had a good cry and petted him as I walked him up the stairs home, and hes laying at my feet right now being a good boy, and I guess I have finally decided to give him a chance to be the dog he can be, and not the dog I miss so much, though I have more than a passing feeling that the dog I miss so much is not very far away from us.
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