Dear Roger: And Now Its Time To Say GoodBye

The boys who used to be friends, who helped me find myself to this point in my path, used to end their concerts with something they called the,"Thank You Song" and in it, Jackson would thank each member of the band and showcase them for a moment, and then thank the audience and all those who contributed to the odd little wonderful moment in time that was the 100 Monkeys. It was fun and often was followed by a little break and then an encore, this is my,"Thank You" and my encore is elsewhere, a path that few will follow with me because its even more complicated and twisty than anything the 100 Moneys and those odd young men and even their complicated lives could have imagined.

I wont be writing you here after tonight. Ive been contemplating how to say my farewell, and while I am not a fan of goodbyes,(I much prefer the less final,"See you later"), this is a goodbye to this name, this page and this way of being and this life.  I have grown, changed and found myself and I have no regrets other than maybe missing SBL this year for a damn job, and never getting a real, bonafied Ben Grauper hug, or maybe never being able to see more than one damn tour stop of those kids, but that is the breaks, life rolls on and kids grow up and forget you and sadly you find yourself finding that other things hold precedence over your love of a ragtag band of pretty little boys that made good music and that is where I have found myself.

I published 3 books, wrote a helluva lot more, and guess what? I need to get off my ass and publish them and I will be, here in the near future. Where I came to Portland a shadow, not talking, angry and wanting to die with no hope or dreams, I am leaving this page a new person who walks straight and I am SHINY,(You other Browncoats get that shit, doncha?), I have been through a LOT. Had my fucking heart ripped out, shit on and crushed and then lit on fire and I stomped it out, dusted it off, crammed it back into place and said,"Well? His loss, fuck HIM!" and I got my revenge by keeping moving forward and knowing I dont need anyone to hold my hand to get shit done. I cranked back up my favorite Graupner tunes that he always hated and I went right back to pushing forward on my own and that is how I reached this point in my path where its time to say farewell to this place that was my home and venting board. 

To those of you who have supported me, commented and followed me, I thank you and I wish you well and I hope you find peace on your journeys. As for the young men that were the inspiration for me to start mine? I wish each and every one of them and their loved ones  peace, love, joy and and especially for the missing one that was the constant voice in my ears as I fought the hardest of my battles, please know that you are never far from many peoples thoughts and hopes for your happiness and peace and that you are missed more than a little.