Dear Roger, Insomnia is a sadistic master but he makes me get shit done

So, I am still not sleeping and its beginning to make me a little on the weirder side,(as if that was possible!) I have probably slept a grand total of less than 15 hours in the last 7 days and I am beginning to feel like I am walking around in just a bit of a fog, and I am reaching the point of being so tired that I CANT sleep anymore, but on the bright side, I am getting a buttload,(yes, that is popular slang now) of work done around the house and if it would EVER stop snowing up here in Flagstaff or if the fucking wind would ever stop, I would probably have the worlds cleanest property. As it is, we had over 70 mile and hour wind gusts this last week and I spent a large part of the week trapped in the house trying not to want to rip my face off and pull my brain out due to my migraines. The constant switches in the barometric pressure and the sun playing hide and seek behind the clouds is brutal on me and its really like God has a sick sense of humor trapping me here in freaking ARIZONA for the last 13 years in a place where I never know if I can wear my sunglasses or not, and its either too dark for me to see properly or all the sudden I get blasted and my eyes are killing me, having light blue eyes and photofobia and living in Arizona is a true marker for insanity if you ask me and I am pretty sure my neighbors are starting to believe I am at least part vampire due to the hats, glasses, heavy curtains, dark tinted windows and such, if I didnt come out and grace them with the occasional wife-beater and flash them my milky white belly from time to time, they would probably be building bon fires and sharpening stakes.The kids luckily got enough of their fathers influence that their eyes are fine, but damn the Scot/Irish blood bred true and the poor monkeys blister at the mere thought of the sunshine at 7500 ft in elevation, so the few times we have been able to venture out, it has felt like prepping for an expedition across the Serengheti, why couldnt the native blood have shown true a little better in this crew like they did in my sisters? Her kids are soo damn dark that they get eyeballed by La Migra and if it wasnt for the green eyes, im willing to bet her hubby would get harassed more often.LOL! Maybe thats what I get for choosing a damn ginger for the kids father, but the women in this family did have a weakeness for those bandy legged little Britains.He has been around when its conveniant for him, but still not as much as the kids would like and still no job, but I figure hes just sticking true to form, after all, hes over 52 years old, why the hell should he change now? He seems to enjoy trying to make me feel like I have to act my 41 years and I finally told him that I may be 41, but I REFUSE to act like a geriatric and if I need to chase a 25 year old college boy to keep me young,I will do it, and if I need to play soccer and go to metal concerts and return to a campus based program for my Masters to keep my young, I will do it, and I REFUSE to let him age me! There is a reason he is my EX, he has a geezer soul and my kids love a young mom that plays with them.
I have actually written one whole chapter! Holy hell, can you believe it? I am freeing the beast that is my novel and when I work on it, I feel a rush and the words have started pouring out of me so I am hoping that I may finally have a submitable work in a year, and the other 4 I am working on are in different stages and I make the typical tempermental artist mistake of going back and flogging them into submission and re-working them when I am in the wrong mood, but "Half-life" is singing to me and its always in my mind and my antagonist has finally appeared to me after all these years, and I am hoping that now that I know what he looks like, he will continue to drive me but what is weird is where I had always thought he would be tall and straight haired, he is short and curly haired and he resembles an actor that I hadnt really heard of up until a few months ago, but when I saw his picture I KNEW and it was like a fire had been lit, so when I need inspiration, I just pop in a movie and observe him for a few and in no time I am off and running again! I guess if my book sells I should probably cut the fellow a check! Music is also helping quite a bit as well, and I am listening to a wide variety of styles and artists, and depending on who is around volume levels.I have been listening to Rammestein in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed and sometimes even archaic French love songs,Opera, Mozarts Requiem Lacrimosa, some Billie Holliday, and loads of new stuff, but when the kids are around we listen to 100 Monkeys pretty much the entire ride to school, and the entire ride home.Its like a non-negotiable thing with them and if I deviate from it, they are bummed and I am sure I get judged by other parets for it, but I figure they are too young to understand what the hell the lyrics are about, the songs SOUND innoucous and fun and are easy to follow and they LOVE them, and to tell the truth, I do to, and its better than a lot of the other stuff out there, so I only pretend to complain for a little bit and then I am singing right along with them, and its really kinda sad just how many of the songs I know by heart and focusing on the singing helps keep me focused on my driving and awake even at my most weary and its pretty much impossible to be grouchy when listening to most of their stuff.
My program will start back up at school in August, and I am planning on going to school full-time, working on campus and letting the ex rent the house back from me and have physical custody of the three younger kids during the week so I can write.I am also going to apply for a study abroad program and I am going to see if I can finally get my butt overseas like I have always dreamed of doing. It just feels so wrong that I never got to follow my dream and travel Europe and do a semester abroad, and I especially want to go to England and spend some time visiting the places that Grandpa served at during WW2, and I need to go to the British Isles and wander about because I just feel pulled for some reason and I think that I might be able to get more of my writing done if I can get there, and as pale as most of my Mick friends are, I know the sun would have to be easier on my migraines!