And So On

I want to warn my readers that my life is not now, nor has it ever been,"G" rated, or family friendly viewing, in fact I had to leave working in an Elementary school setting because having to control my language and such turned out to be giving me pleasant little things called,"Suicide headaches" or a type of migraine that only hits on one side of your head and is so severe and painful that it often drives its sufferers,(oddly enough, primarily men)to commit suicide.Of course once I left the job that I loved, the headaches decided to stick around just for the heck of it and I still get them from time to time in spite of the nasty medication I take for it, so there are days I spend in abject misery, but I am free to cuss about it all I want.
Now where were we? Oh yeah, Ed...well I am going to leave more of that for another day, its pretty obvious he didnt kill me that time, I am here writing to you, but it was not a pleasant time for me, and it changed me in a very deep and fundamental way, and the after effects brought me closer to the brink than anything else has ever in my life, so I would rather move on past that for this Valentines eve, and write of things that make people laugh or happy or even think.
I had another "Ehh" kinda day starting off, the person who I was supposed to meet didnt show up, so I ended up spending up half the morning sitting in a campus coffee shop watching the comings and goings of all the college kids and I even got flirted with by some little chick, which is flattering but very disturbing to me as a woman who has never even remotely interested in that kinda walk on the wildside. I finally gave up on my appointment and left campus with my normal mutterings about all the pajama wearing, retarded sheep,"fear for our future if this is what is getting into college",rants as I tried to navigate the road out of campus through all the genuises who saw fit to meander in front of me, even with the slightly psychotic glare I gave them. I went grocery shopping and then collected my monsters and came home to begin what is going to surely be a very long 3 day weekend.
I spent this afternoon downloading some tunes to my Ipod, something I havent done in months and I thought it was time to update some playlists since I now have a surround sound system that is more than capable of inflicting annoyance on the neighbors. I made sure to add in my latest favorite from Twilights soundtrack, and I spent part of the afternoon drowning out the fights of my children and dogs with Muses,"Super-Massive Black Hole" and working on my cardio by shaking my butt all over the place to it. I used to be able to get down really well, in fact the best compliment I ever got when I was a young woman going to the clubs in the West End and in the wilder parts of the Metroplex, was a lady of color tapped me on the shoulder, handed me a Gin and Juice and said,'You dance like a black girl!!" I was wearing a black spandex body hugger and stilletto heels and I had been dancing for over 4 hours, I was in my prime and I sure miss those days.(Son, if you are reading this you really should stop)The music of those days,(and nights) makes me feel good and I love sharing it with my kids and often I sing along with it when they play it on the radio and I even get a little funk going that sometimes even spills out into the parking lot.
I used to be a lot more shy and repressed, but I think that once you have had your entire family business in the newspaper, and 1/2 a dozen cops wander through your house and see you in your grubbies after you just got your ass kicked, you kinda lose your inhibitions.I have even gotten a bit on the ballsy side I have been told, and the evil neighbor that has been the bane of my existence for the last 10 years, now gives me a wide berth because I finally stood up to him and dared him to try something, in fact I begged him to and he just looked at me and turned around and scampered in his house. I cant even get a puppy torturing wife beater to take me on, I must be a bit on the twitchy side.
I have a house full of dogs and chaos, and arranging time to get away is always an adventure. I have finally found people willing to take on the challenge of watching 2 special needs kids, an normal kid and 4 large dogs, but it takes careful planning and bribery that is almost criminal in nature! I have not had a day off or a break from any of this in over 2 years and I am mentally and physically exhausted, but getting someone to understand that 2 dogs only go out on leads because they will jump the fence, and all dogs have to be seperated for feeding in strict order and the St Bernards cannot go in the back bedroom because of the cat, or the Bassett cannot go out front because he will run off and he cant have food around the mastiff because they will fight, and the kids arent supposed to chum the dogs, and who wears what and who sleeps where and the whole school drop off routine and such is just overwhelming,but I have to have a break before I lose my mind completely. I dream of laying on a beach somewhere and just vegging for a week or two, or in a nice quiet meadow, but I know that I will be lucky to get 12-24 hours to clear my head and perhaps drive a rented sports car waay to fast on a twisty mountain road and perhaps enjoy a bit of sanity in the chaos, but a recharge is what I need and hopefully that is what will happen and I will come home to a house still standing a a sitter that is still sane and unbitten by dog or child.
I like to drive fast, always have, probably always will. I think its genetic, and even though my dad always gives me crap for getting a ticket for 88 in a 55 (drag racing) when my drivers license was still so new it was paper, he was just as bad about driving fast as I was and my granny had her fair share of tickets and warnings as well! I dream about driving fast for some reason, and being stuck in a frumpy, no style even when it was brand new mini-van, kills my soul.I almost had a wreck when the Chevy dealership left a cobalt blue new camaro parked out front of the dealership one day, I was soo busy looking at it, I almost rear-ended the guy in front of me who was also looking at it. I am considering buying another vehicle, and though a suburau or some mini-van type vehicle would be practicle, I want either speed, or a truck! My cruddy little mini van will move, Ive had it up to 90, but its like speeding in a bus,Who cares? you still look like a dork. Minivans are just not conducive to getting any action. Its hard to advertise as ,"Available" when you are driving a rolling billboard for multiple children.