My son confuses me,in fact many of the boys nowadays confuse me. When I was a teen it was pretty damn clear what team who played for and who were the switch hitters. I grew up in a very small, very rigid, buckle of the bible belt East Texas town and boys were boys and they looked and acted like it and damn sure dressed like it and they never would have joked about being gay or even dreamed of wearing clothes that were made for girls or make up. It.Just. Was. Not. Done. There were a few boys in town that were gay, I knew them, and in fact I was friends with them, but they were deeply closeted for their safety. The one who did come out in the senior year of high school was brutalized and eventually left. My own cousin, who grew up in West Texas in Midland and Nocona and then Houston, always had two personalities that he carried when he came to visit, the one he showed around my dad and the rest of the ,"guys" of the beer drinking, hell raising, mans man, and the real him which was a troubled gay man that had lived such a life of frustration and pain, that he had not been as careful as he should and he paid the ultimate price. But I always knew he was gay, just like I knew the neighbor kid was gay from the time he was 3 years old, you could just tell. I have always had an open mind about these things, though I prefer not to have peoples sex lives shoved in my face, because to tell the truth, my lack of one at this point in my life is really starting to get to me! But, the way kids are nowadays, things seem to flow back and forwards pretty freely and its really damn confusing! I have actually met some guys where I kinda got the vibe, but I just could not tell, and then with my own son and some of his comments, I was beginning to get a little concerned that perhaps he was considering a walk on the wild side, especially after some of the comments he has made. He loves the show,"Criminal Minds" and he watches it with me and often asks me questions about it, and his favorite episode is the one with Jackson Rathbone, because its just soo,"Freaky" , to quote him. ANYHOO, we were watching it the other night and he asked at the end, "Whos the cute chick at the end,she kind looks like my ex-girlfriend in Texas?" I choked on my tea just a little,"You think shes cute?!" I had frozen the screen on the dvr and he was able to look at the image a little longer. "Yeah, shes kinda cute, Id do her." after I smacked him upside the head for saying something so crass as "Do her", I just looked at him and said, thats not a chick. "Huh?" thats not a chick you dork! "Yeah it is" Jeeze Captain Oblivious! Have you NEVER paid attention to the show?! Adam and Amanda were the same person!! Amanda is ADAM! Thats a DUDE, thats Jackson Rathbone you dope! "Huh...weellll, he makes a cute chick." This was before we went to the concert and of course you know I had to tease him the entire time we were there, but what kinda bugged me was that he didn't act offended like guys I grew up with would have, he didn't even act embarrassed. He was okay with it when I leaned over to him during the show and said,"Are you going to ask for his autograph?" He just rolled his eyes at me and went back to texting and left me to stew. Later when I had my fangirl moment and Stevie was freaking out, he said,"I expected him to be taller".
It finally reached the point after he got his other ear pierced at the mall on Saturday that I felt it was necessary to broach the subject of sex and sexuality with him, because he is at the age where he is wanting to go and hang out with friends alone and the potential is there for getting into things that perhaps he is not ready to deal with, so I thought it was time to expand upon, 'The TALK",to include what aspects of homosexuality I understood and I figured that sitting on the deck watching the traffic go by drinking a soda and relaxing was there perfect time to do that, while we were both relatively relaxed and not at each others throats.
I opened the conversation by laughingly complaining that Susan and I needed a walking,"Gay Buffer" when we hung out with each other because with me looking like such a roughneck or tough chick and her looking like such a girly girl and it being pretty obvious that we are not related, I think that its messing up my dating potential because guys are assuming we are a couple!He laughed with me and agreed that we needed to figure something out if I was going to try and start dating, though he still did not approve of my desire to date younger men. I then broached the subject of the clothing issue and my disdain for the super tight skinny jeans that he desired, and we discussed back and forth the last pair that I bought him that he rarely wears, and he even admitted that they were not comfortable, so we negotiated that in exchange for me not wearing wife-beaters in public, he would give up the super-skinny style of skinny jeans, and then he asked for a pair of ,'Cowboy boots" with segued very nicely into where I was trying to go with the conversation. 'Ahh, so you wanna dress like somebody? I said giving him the raised eyebrow," Wha? Oh , well dude has style, and boots would be a good idea up here in all the rain and stuff." Son, its okay if you like him, im cool with that, I love you no matter who you like." 'What?!, wait...mom, im not gay. Im not bi-sexual. I like chicks, ALOT.Okay?" Im just saying son, im not one of those parents that would give you a hard time about it, I might tease you a little, but you know I will support you and if you were to be either of those ways the only worry that I have is that you be safe and responsible. "MOM! stop! No sex talk! Jeeze!" Well son im just so damn confused, kids are soo different nowdays! When I was growing up, no guy would have ever admitted that another guy was good looking or made a cute chick or would have worn his moms clothes. It just wasn't done! I dont care what you are, I just want you to be safe! "Mom, you raised me to be comfortable with myself and confidant in who I am. I dont mind saying a guy has style or is sharp,because I look at that as something to want to be like.I know what Rob went through and I know you worry about that, but I am not gay, things are just different now days, people aren't so hung up on the whole thing." Well, you know that no matter what you are, I wish you would wait to become sexually active until you are in a committed relationship. Just the shudder that he made when I said the words,"sexually active" kinda gave me a giggle moment, because he still cannot even handle the words sex, but he has become very wise to sexual innuendo and all kinds of jokes and such, and things that used to go over his head now seem to land fully in his lap and he laughs and even cracks inappropriate jokes about,"Pickles" and such in the grocery store, but when it gets down to the nitty gritty of things and I begin to talk to him about waiting or safe sex, he turns every single color of red and seems to try and hide in the couch cushions, but that is one conversation that we will have no matter what, just like we have had the talk about drugs and alcohol and depression and domestic violence, we will talk, because I know its a matter of life and death, Rob taught me that.
We are going to rearrange the house a bit today. After spending over ten dollars to try and do my laundry in the machines at the apartment complex and having the machines either breakdown or not work at all or do a half-assed job, on top of dealing with a creepy guy who was interested in how I folded my panties a little too much for my comfort, I decided that we oughta just rent a set and do our own at home so I dont have to worry about my Dolce jeans ending up at Buffalo Exchange or some creeper pawing through my delicates. We have decided to screen off part of the living room and make Stevie her own little private area that will be her bedroom/play area. It will also force Chance to get to bed earlier,since he has gotten in the very bad habit of hanging out in the living room and watching tv until the wee hours and then wanting to sleep until afternoon.
Still no luck on the dating front for me. It stinks being single and I really would like to find a guy for a good trouncing if nothing else. I know that sounds bad, but its been soo long since I have even been kissed, I am beginning to think I have forgotten how. I have seen some really gorgeous guys up here, exchanged some smiles and even some stares, but no one has followed through. Chance noticed that I seem to be working on consciously being more friendly and approachable and even dressing nicer, though I never did dress like a scrub,(no sweats or pjs in public for me), I do have some really nice and grown up looking clothes other than rock t-shirts and I have been wearing them, but so far, nothing. Maybe once the kids get in school things will improve, one can only hope.
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