He brought the dog I told him he couldn't bring, and the boys were thrilled to see it. I told him the dog couldn't stay and he said,"Well kids, your mother says I have to get rid of him so I guess I should just let him run out into the road and make it quick." He laid it all at my feet, finding a home for the animal, or taking it to one of the overfull shelters, none of which are accepting animals. Luckily for me, my son had heard of a rescue for the particular breed and when I called them they said they would take him, but it would be a couple of days before he could be picked up. Of course he has had no vet care in the past year or shots, so I will need to get those done. Yet the boys still see him as the hero and me as the monster. They want me to get rid of my dog, Spencer, because he is newer. I dont understand. I just dont get how he has managed to fuck up my sons so badly in such a short amount of time. My eldest son got frustrated with how he was speaking to me the minute he walked through the door, so he walked up to him to say hello and to let him see that he now looks him in the eye and is just as broad shouldered as him, hes no longer the scared and small 12 year old he beat in the front yard like a misbehaving dog.
My daughter has hovered around the periphery of the situation. She is eager to show him things and talk to him, but nervous as well. She doesnt really know or trust him anymore. She has seen the dark side of him once too often and she worries. He has already told her to "Be quiet" twice, and that rankles me to no end. My daughter is the youngest and the only girl in a house full of savage boys, she is vying for attention and to be told to be quiet is cruel. I saw her shrink physically when he said that, and it pissed me off. I had come from her parent teacher conference thrilled that her teacher told me that my daughter is a born director, leader and a force of nature who has a goal in mind and the ability to reach it. She is driven and vivacious and outgoing and a happy child. I like to think that I did that by getting her out when I did. She has had over half her life away from him and his influence, never being told to shut up or go away or that she was stupid. She has been supported and loved and encouraged and allowed to love who she wants and follow her dreams, he was already making snarky comments about Jackson last night, and if he keeps on I will send him down the road. He threw away my eldest sons stuffie that he had from the time he was a baby. A battered and chewed but much loved stuffed bulldog named,"Churchill". My son had gotten it in Yuma and had carried it with him for over a decade. It had been stitched up, re-stuffed and was retired to a shelf in my sons room. When we left, somehow , Church got left behind. I asked the ex to please put him in storage with a few other things and I would gladly pay the fees, he said,"oh that old ratty thing is long gone, I threw all that shit away." He threw out all my eldest sons things, most of my stuff, and a good amount of my daughters things too. I dont know what possessed him to do that, but it was evil and I fear he would attempt the same with Jackson if given half the chance. He knows his position has been usurped in her heart and he hates that, and I worry that he would try to force her to love him because he is her father.
I hate this. I hate he is here. My stress level is through the roof, the boys are behaving as typical kids of divorce, not wanting to listen to me and playing us off one another, and he keeps claiming he doesn't want to cause problems while he continues to make passive aggressive comments and little digs at me about everything. I wish I could just run away for good.
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