Dear Roger:Texas Nicknames for Short Men or Why My Son is Developing A Complex?

Nicknames. I have had one pretty much my entire life. When I was a kid I was,"J.D." as if I wasn't enough of a tomboy, that appellation incited me to even more orneriness and contrariness than just about anything else, including the chopped off hair and the lack of a shirt until I was 12. It was shouted from the baseball bleachers by cheering parents when I would zing a pitch a little close in on an opposing player, or from the soccer sidelines when I would charge down field against much larger opponents. It shaped who I became as a teenager and young adult when I was called,'Speed" for reasons I wont get into in great depth due to the fact I know my family and friends tend to peruse this blog, other than to say it started with my reputation for being a daredevil and having a lead foot and willingness to push the envelope, and it grew from there. That lasted for a few years while I was in the wonderful, wild world of the greater Metroplex and then it ended when I realized that there were some scarier and crazier motherfuckers in the world and I relocated to Arizona in the wee hours of Dallas morning when a NRH friend of mine told me he was leaving town and it was a good idea if I did the same before we both ended up finding out what was in the bottom of Ray Hubbard. Somehow, in the midst of all that, I ended up without a nickname for a while, but then I went back to my daredevil ways, but it was for good this time.

It was after being chased up the side of the Nogales mountains by a 30ft flame front and losing parts of the backs of my ears, some of the hide on the back of my neck and giving my fire chief the scare of his life,(considering I was only supposed to be delivering water to firefighters already on the defensive line), that he looked at me and my partner in crime, and said,"God Damn, Calamity!" I got 6 weeks on dispatch duty and the nickname that has stuck for nearly 20 years.

To be honest, I think it kinda fits.

I have given all my kids nicknames and they have all fit the kids rather well I thought, though my eldest sons original nickname was given to him by his granny. He was originally called,'Pecker", it was just a West Texas thing that most people really wouldn't understand and I couldn't explain. Now that hes a teen, he is,'Werewolf Boy" though rarely to his face. I call him that not only because of the whole hair issue, but because he is moody, unpredictable, and likely to want to rip the throats out of everything and everyone around him with little thought or provocation. My next oldest is called,"Sticky" because he just always is, sticky. My baby girl for the longest time was the,"Stinky Princess" when she was a tiny baby. That name was given to her by her brothers. I just called her princess, but the boys just called her,'Stinky". Last, but not least, is the main subject of today's blog,"Stubby". My short man. He is my shortest son and its driving him crazy. Hes in the 5th percentile for height, shorter than all the kids in his grade except for 2 Asian girls. He blames me. I have tried to point out all the short guys that are doing great, but he doesn't care. He knows that his 7 year old sister is within an inch of being taller than him. She tried to be helpful and tell him that her favorite boy is a petite fella, and that just pissed Stubby off even more. I told him that he would probably have a growth spurt in the next few months and that didn't help. He is just wrapped up in being pissed off about being ripped off in the height department and much like I was at his age when I realized I was the smallest in my grade and people were patting me on top of the head and telling me,"Dynamite comes in small packages." He is ready to start kneecapping people, so I really should not have been shocked when he snapped at me this morning and said,"QUIT CALLING ME STUBBY!" I still was though. I wasn't ready to have to put his baby name to rest. He is still finding his way, trying to find where he fits in and what his niche is. His sister is,"Monkey Girl" and she is the Artist,singer and entertainer of the family. His big brother is the musician and the athlete. Sticky is the one who everyone just loves no matter what because he is just charming and sweet. Stubby...he is smart and and sweet and funny, but he doesn't know how to showcase himself like the others do. Hes still struggling to make friends and find his way. He prefers to read and be by himself, though he often find himself being the straight man to his sisters comedy routines. He wants to show that he noticeable in his own right and capable of casting his own, equally tall shadow. Its not going to be easy, and I warned him I would probably slip and call him Stubby more than once, but it wasn't that I didn't recognize that he was growing up, it was just me not being ready for it and being able to handle it.