Dear Roger: Monkey Loving

My kid is a better person than me. I've probably said that before, but really, she is truly and honestly a better person. She sees only the good in people, giving them the benefit of the doubt, trusting that they are doing what is best and loving unconditionally, unless they have personally hurt her or someone she loves. After she got over the initial shock of the Monkey boys going their separate ways, she made sure to comfort ME! She seemed to figure out that I was a little bummed out as well, because, yeah, I have to admit it, I have a pretty big soft spot when it comes to those guys. They have been the sunshine in the darkness for us and I freaking hate change, so I guess I was a little mopey as well. I understood the reasoning, because, I gave up something that was just about my sole reason for existing,(I thought), when I realized my little boy needed me more than I needed my police officers badge, so I get it, but its still hard to see things change.
I took her out with me yesterday to get a few groceries and while we were out together, we finally did some talking without the boys breathing down out necks or making fun of us, so I asked her how she was doing? She told me,"Well, I'm still a little sad and I will miss him very much, but I understand why he left.People have lives to live and hes going to be a daddy, and good daddies want to be with their kids, and Jackson will be a good daddy, not like my daddy so he will want to be home, not out all the time and away and concerts are too noisy for babies.He just better quit smoking because that's not good for babies. Jerad will be back and he will take care of things, and im getting used to Ben G. hes big and a little scary and lots of weird, but weird is very good. I will still love Jackson always, and maybe someday I will see him again and I hope he wont forget me because I will never forget him."
It was hard to not tear up in the middle of the damn store. I was so proud of her that I did hug and kiss her and tell her that. Because I had been so worried about her not handling things at all. Its hard when your heroes do things you don't expect. I still think I was traumatized forever by seeing John Wayne die in the "Cowboys". I mean, the man had practically raised me because my father was in Viet Nam for 3 tours and then checked out when he got back, so other than you, when you weren't in Japan or Grandpa, the Duke was my father figure, so seeing him shot and killed (even in a movie), in front of me when I was her age, was horrific and I remember crying so hard that I threw up, but her? She cried, and even seeing a couple of the videos have brought a little grimace of sadness to her face today, but she is doing pretty good all in all. Her favorite boy tweeted out a pic of his babies bits last night, showing that he is having a son, and she was ecstatic! Whooping and hollering and then she stopped and looked pensive for a moment, she was doing the math, calculating how long she has to get done with her Masters degree and get rich before hes an adult.
More gray hairs.
She is getting Baptized this Sunday on her birthday and she has been inviting people,so far no one is coming which really stinks, but I'm going to be there with her monkey and that was really important to her. I told her father, but he had no comment other than to talk about something his nephew was doing. Im going to record it for her and that way she will have the memories of it. She hasn't said much about not getting any cards or anything yet for her birthday, shes just so different from my other kids. When it was Stubbys birthday week, he started in at the beginning and haunted the mailbox daily, and then got angry at me when nothing arrived until the last minute or late, her? its like she has bigger fish to fry, and really, I guess she does, shes rehearsing for her play and shes learning,"March of the Sugarplumb Faries" on the piano. The show is going on.