Dear Roger: Thats Soo Gay!

My life has become fun. Yes, my job is often frustrating and lacking in intellectual challenges and I often loathe dealing the the corporate denizens,but I adore my direct boss and the day to day duties of my job are not too taxing so I am able to perform them without sending myself into paroxysms  of stress and anxiety to the point that I shut myself off from the world too often, (unless corporate involves itself in our doings), so I guess I may be able to keep on keeping on at it for awhile.
I'm not going to get rich at it,(again, corporate will make sure of that), and it often keeps me from getting any writing done, but it makes me get out and at least try to interact with real human beings, and that is a good thing.
I have friends now. I have a few very good friends that I interact with on almost a daily basis in real life. I have friends that come over and hang out with me and talk to me and we laugh and have dinner together and we go out and do things together. I love their company. My kids really like them. I trust them and consider them my erstwhile family. I would defend them and I look forward to seeing them for our weekly dinners. I feel free to be myself with them and completely comfortable around them, as do my kids. We joke and laugh and text back and forth and even talk of attending the Spencer Bell Legacy Concert in Madison Wisconsin in June together.
It shocked me that I invited them to come and to share a suite with me and my other friend, and I meant it. To have finally gained male companions I feel that comfortable with at this point? I feel both at peace and elated. My friends are gay men, and in many ways that doesn't surprise me. I have always been more comfortable around men and gay men in particular. There is no weird sexual tension,(though I find them completely adorable), we joke about sex and cute guys and all sorts of things along those lines, but its not like trying to be friends with a straight man where you worry about that if you have sex you will screw up the friendship.
One of them is just whip smart and a grammar fanatic, he keeps me on my toes with my texts and we joke back and forth constantly about my faux pauxs in my typing and such and I enjoy it, I think in many ways he reminds me of you and that is what I enjoy about him so damn much. We are going to an art exhibit opening the beginning of the month together and I think that I am looking forward to that more that I would be looking forward to an actual date! We have gone to a burlesque show, out to dinner, and have plans for other outings. I babysit their dogs when they are at work, and its often crazy around my house during the day because of it, but its been a wonderful kind of crazy for me.
I'm not 100% by a long shot, I still have my bad days where I just have to lurk in my house and debate my place in the world and why I am still here, but its gotten brighter and funnier and I am making progress and friends, so maybe there is hope that someday I will at least reach halfway.

My dog Benny is  finally helping to heal the pain of losing Fergus, I can look at his pictures now without sobbing like my heart is broken all over again. Benny sleeps against my chest every night and is a terrible snorer and blanket hog and I often wake up with him sprawled across my throat which is a bit alarming, but he greets me with love and enthusiasm every morning, and every afternoon when I return from work, and he is currently ensconced in my lap as if its his personal throne. My only complaint with him is that I an not allowed any alone time! If I even attempt to shut him out of the bathroom, he sits at the door and barks non-stop or scratches at it until daughter gets annoyed and lets him in. I do not appreciate his company in the shower, but the alternative is annoying to the rest of the family. I guess I will learn to deal.