Dear Roger:Keeping Them Off The Pole

I made my daughter write a letter of apology to our neighbor yesterday. She initially wasn't very happy about it, but after she was done and we talked about it, she told me she understood why she had to do it, and that it was the right thing to do. She hadn't done a really horrible thing, but she had been disrespectful and rude, and that is not how I have raised her to be. All she had done was say as the woman was walking away was,"I don't think that old lady likes kids very much." I had tried to stop her from saying the words,"old lady" but she just bulled on ahead and said them loud enough the woman and other neighbors heard them. The woman was walking away at a brisk pace, headed to some meeting, so I didn't stop her and have my daughter apologize then, I sent my daughter home and told her she would be writing an apology letter. I've had my kids do such a thing before, and I have had them apologize in person when possible. Its not an easy thing but we always sit and discuss it afterwards. My daughter asked me if I have ever written an apology letter and I admitted that I have. I have written two, both to the same person, both were brutally hard to write and neither received an acknowledgement so I never even knew if my apology was accepted which is worse than what she had to endure, because shortly after she put the letter on the woman's door, her tutor came home and told us that there was a note on our door. The woman had received her apology, accepted it and told her no harm was done and they were friends.
Teaching manners and genteel behavior may seem outdated, but I think its important that they know proper behavior and have a moral code. Sometimes in the past mine has lapsed and I did and said things that were rude or in poor form and I've worked hard to refrain from making those same mistakes and to atone for the wrongs I committed.
 Observing some of the behavior I have witnessed on the internet has made me very aware that there is a serious lack of a moral code among a large part of society that encompasses all generations. I have heard people of my age wish a young man dead over a social media site, call people names that they wouldn't dare say in person, and celebrate behavior that even someone of my rather colorful and checkered past finds a bit beyond the pale. I don't know...maybe I just grew up a bit too Southern, a bit too small town Texas, a bit too traditional, but I long for the days when I didn't have to worry about my son getting cat assholes gauged into his ears, or my 9 year old wouldn't have a clue that the boy she looked up to smoked weed and drank because she had seen videos and comments on YouTube and she,"Knows a drunk guy when she sees one!" . We have had long talks about alcohol and drugs and what all those things lead to, and they are well aware due to where we came from, but I remind them that those things take away a persons control and reason and lead to many bad things like disease, harming innocents, and behavior that could change a persons life forever. I really wish I didn't have to have these conversations with a 9 year old, but the world we live in has changed and she sees drunk people almost daily, she smells weed all the time, she had a father who used drugs, and she is well aware of the seedier side of life and she doesn't want it.
She was working on algebra last night with her tutor so she will be ahead. She was thrilled to get a vintage sewing machine for her birthday and she wants to learn how to sew in order to be able to make,"Fancy party dresses", she nags at her brothers about always dressing their best and staying presentable, using their manners and being,"Gentlemen", so hopefully she will always remember to be a young lady.
The apology letter was a reminder that in her efforts to get ahead in the world she has to remember that there are other people in the world with her and it is my hope that she will grow to be the kind of person that tries to help them and if she cannot help them, she damn sure wont hurt them. That is what I have worked hard to achieve for myself these last few years and while its a struggle every single day, and I am still atoning, I haven't had to write an apology letter lately.