Dear Roger: Manners, Even When Its Difficult

I am trying to instill good manners in my children, and Lord knows it is not an easy thing to do. I have always taught them to say,"Please and Thank you and Yes Sir and Yes Ma'am" and thing of that nature, as well as taught my daughter the basics of how to act like a lady because there was no way in hell I was going to raise the first,"Girl Gone Wild" or titty dancer in the family. I am enough of a scandal as it is without that kind of shame out there, so this past week since she has had a bunch of presents and cards rolling in for her birthday, I have made sure that she has been keeping track of the envelopes and the addresses so that she can carefully handcraft and address a personalized,"Thank you" to each and every person who sent her something.
I have been terrible about that in years past and it was one of my resolutions this year to get better at it, or to at make sure my kids started getting better at it but between trying to get her caught up in the schoolwork she got behind on when I allowed her to take a day or two off and just be a kid, as well as the day lost when she went with me to pick up Sticky's Ipad, "Thank you" notes have been a slow go. The distraction of the Ipad in the house has not helped us at all either. Her brother and her spent most of the first day it was here, just teaching Talking Tom how to say vaguely,(and not so vaguely) objectionable things and playing Angry Birds together. after she got done with her days schoolwork.
She has been quite the trooper about that and has managed to catch it all up and then some, in a short amount of time and I am very proud of her, I wish her big brother had her work ethic. Today she started working on the,"Thank you" cards and she is having fun personalizing each one to the person, speculating about what they might like and how to draw it.
She has been in pretty good spirits, especially since the 100 Monkeys released their new single and she loves it! We both do and she is eagerly hoping that they will come up this direction and play a show she can attend. She has tweeted at her favorite boy a few times, but gotten no response and she is convinced hes mad at her for some strange reason. I've tried to tell her that hes just off doing boy things, but shes a little kid and she is still learning how people are and in her world when someone disappears from your life, its usually for a bad reason. I'm going to just keep her busy and distracted with other bands, the goings on of the band boys that are left and the looming summer movie releases that look all kinds of exciting. She was front and center when we saw that Johnny Depp has "Dark Shadows" coming out and her comment was,"Dont even THINK for one MINUTE you are leaving me home for that one!" I wouldn't dare, she gave me such a look when she said that! I trust Depp to make something that will be okay for her to see, because with rare exception,(Sweeney Todd being one), he and Burton tend to make movies that kids like her can watch over and over again and enjoy for years to come, in fact, our movie collection includes most of them and often when we are home with nothing better to do, there is one playing in the background, so keeping her distracted and busy will help I am sure to soothe any hurt or worry and with her play coming up soon, she will be busy with rehearsals and planning for her summer camp and if she is going or not, then I think she will soon forget any worries.
I am so ready for the wet and cold winter to be over with. We get a couple of days of nice weather where the sunshine comes out and everyone gets all hopeful and happy, and then all hell breaks loose again with the rain and even the snow. It has really taken a toll on everyone's good mood most days, especially the little boys.
Stubby is not a fan of Oregon and he lets me know about it over an over, on pretty much a daily basis. I just tell him that I am sorry he hates it here, but there really is no alternative for him. His father is currently bouncing around in L.A. with whomever he hasn't worn out his welcome at, and hes still claiming poverty. He was so impoverished in fact, he couldn't send his daughter anything for her birthday. I ask him about helping out with the kids expenses and I get the same story I always get,"I dont have any damn money!" as he puffs on a cigarette and then proceeds to tell me about his adventures around L.A. and hanging out at the beach. Stubby finally asked me the other day what child support was and I very carefully explained the legal terms for it, refraining from mentioning that I would be owed 32k if the state of AZ hadn't quashed his fathers when he was incarcerated for domestic violence,(never should have done that little bit of math)its done nothing but make me crazy ever since. Stub said,"So if its to help pay for us, then why does dad say its bullshit?" I just simply shrugged and waited until he went to school before I walked into my room and cursed into my pillow for good 5 minutes, it wouldn't have done me or my son any good to have acted any other way and I, at least have good enough manners to know that.

Dear Roger: Moving Forward

my son playing at the Baptism.
Whew! What a busy day that was! And to add to the fun of it all, was the change to Daylight Savings time. I really hate the Spring Forward B/S because telling 4 kids they are losing and hour of sleep is like trying to take their candy away from them. Its even kicked my butt a little bit and I am always awake at 0500 every morning anyway.
Her birthday and baptism seemed to go pretty good, other than I screwed up the video taping of the actual baptism and only managed to capture snippets of it. She had a momentary bit of panic, she cant swim and it was a pretty big tank, she was surrounded by men and it was a bit overwhelming. I brought her the monkey, she cuddled it, he was sat on the edge of the tank so she could see him and then all was well.
Her brother played guitar for her. I managed to capture two songs he played and I was amazed he didn't track me down and try to drown my phone and me with it. He hates being video taped and even getting pictures of him is a major event nowadays.
She had a pretty good birthday with some nice presents from friends, and cards and other presents are slowly drifting in from all over the place and that tickles her to death, she loves getting mail and that gives her something to look forward to every day. She knows she has some pictures of her favorite boys coming in, so she has cleared space on the wall by her bed for them and she bugs me to check the mail about every hour.
She got quite a few Facebook posting and tweets from friends and all kinds of greetings and such. She tweeted Jackson, but got no response and I really didn't expect she would. I am afraid he is just not going to be there for her anymore and though it may be a painful thing for her to realize, especially since that has been the story with every other man in her life, I think its best she just understand now that its best not to count on men for anything, including a kind word. Shes a strong kid and I want her to be stronger. Knowing not to count on anyone for anything including kindness, is the best way to be. I know it sounds cynical, but it will keep her from getting hurt by anyone or anything in the future. She already knows not to expect anything from her father, she is learning her brother is more interested in his girlfriend than spending time with her, and her other brothers will push her out of the way to get the treats first, so she is learning to push back.
She is a very sweet and optimistic and loving child, but that can only go so far. So many times of her father telling her,"I cant do anything for you because I'm broke", or " Hey, Where is your brother, can I talk to him" when he calls have served to make her resent him. She kept herself busy yesterday chatting with people on FB and twitter and playing games with her brothers as well as working ahead in some of her classes, so it was a typical day for her. She tells me that she doesn't feel any older, but maybe a little wiser.
Our favorite band released a new single yesterday and even without the two boys we were used to having in it, I have to say, it is probably some of their best work! I loved it and spent a big chunk of the day tweeting about it and trying to get folks to pay attention to how great it is so hopefully it will spark a tour from them. Daughter loved it and quickly found the rhythm and was dancing around and singing and clapping to it so I think ,"City Of Bones", was a hit at least in her eyes, I know we are excited for the album.
Son reminded me that I am next in the birthday roster. I turn 43 next month. Not something I am looking forward to considering that the plans I had to go back to Texas for my High School reunion have been shot to hell by the ex due to me having to play catch up with all the bills he left me footing. It will just be another day, but after than I get a break on the whole birthday/holiday fiasco until Sticky turns 12 in August. That one will be one that will be a little crazy.

Dear Roger:Where Did The Time Go?

The title is linked,(hopefully), to a video of my baby girl and showing her and her monkey moments, set to her favorite song, "TIME" by the 100 Monkeys.
Today is the day my baby, the last of my kids, the wheel that turns us all, turns 8 years old. It shouldn't be such a big deal I guess, but to me it feels like the genuine end of her babyhood. She has always acted older than she is, but this year even more so. Like I mentioned the other day, her favorite band broke up as her favorite boy left to go be a daddy and an actor. She has tweeted him a few times and gotten no response, but instead of throwing a baby fit or getting snarky, she has been resolute in her support and understanding.
Her father finally bothered to call yesterday after over a week and a half without talking to the kids, and he spent all of five minutes talking to her to tell her that he wasn't going to be sending her anything right now because he couldn't afford it. She didn't even get upset over that,(shes actually used to that), so she politely chatted with him about nothing and then handed off the phone and went on about her business. He had asked her to friend him on FB and I was highly amused to hear her reiterate that she would think about it, because she knows he told me that he preferred to be Facebook friends with her to,"Save the hassle of calling." She doesn't want to make him ignoring her any easier than it already is I guess.
She has a busy day today; church in the morning and then she will be home for a little bit to hang out before we head out to her church for her Baptism. She has chosen to get Baptized on her birthday and then once that is over, she has her play rehearsal, and she reminded me that she made a commitment to the the play so she has to be there, birthday or not, so she will be attending. The kid wont stop going until nearly 8:00 tonight and then we will have some cake to celebrate my little miracle.
We are going to hang out at home tomorrow and continue the celebration most likely, she was actually born pretty late at night so I guess that works. We will watch,"Our" movie "Lilo and Stitch" because the new movies she wanted to watch are a bit too adult for her as of yet, eat cake, and just be lazy, though knowing her, she will be anything but.
Shes growing so damn fast. Changing every day and becoming a strong and beautiful child that is going places. She has plans for her future, goals and dreams and the drive to see the through. I hope that the wings she has continue to make her fly as high as possible because she deserves everything she hopes and dreams of.

Dear Roger: Rules For Being A Parent

I got up this morning at 7:30, it was one of those rare mornings when I got to actually sleep in because no one had to be anywhere, but my secondary alarm needed to pee and wanted his morning kibble, and I could tell by the sounds coming from the living room, my tertiary alarm was already up and would soon be coming in to ask if I was ever going to get my ass out of bed.
My tertiary alarm is usually my primary alarm nowadays, at least on weekends and days when no one has to get up early, its like Murphys Law, but that's just Sticky boy. I walked into the living room and sure enough he was on the couch, sitting with his ankles crossed behind his neck, watching some educational show on PBS. Hes so hyper-flexible he can not only cross his ankles behind his neck, he can put his toes under his chin. He and daughter often have contests to see who is the bendiest, and to outsiders its a bit off-putting at times. He was wearing just his boxers which had mysteriously acquired a hole in them since he started wearing them yesterday, and he was worrying the hole. "I got a hole in my chones!" was the first thing he told me this morning and I agreed with him and then went to make my coffee, not too excited or shocked. Hes a boy and he often manages to do damage to his clothes in some bizarre way. While I was in the kitchen he comes walking up to me, gives me a hug and a kiss and asks me to make him a "Butt crack sandwich".
Now, before you go getting too freaked out about that term, let me tell you, it came from his siblings and honestly, it kinda fits the disgusting combination of materials he loves on toast and has been eating since he was a wee child. Its toast, with katsup,(lots of it), mustard and mayonnaise and when we can afford it ham. He has started asking for ranch dressing on it as well lately but I drew the line there. When I was pregnant with my daughter I couldn't even be in the same room when it was being made, but now, I just go about it as if its the most normal thing in the world, most of the time he makes it himself, but he knew I had just thoroughly cleaned the kitchen and I think hew as worried I would get annoyed at him if he made a mess.
Sticky is special in many, many ways, not just because he has Downs Syndrome and it makes him operate a little different from the rest of us, he has all these odd habits and hobbies that just make me shake my head and wonder where the hell they came from? He has some mildly Autistic behaviors as well so I allow some of the oddness, knowing that to try and force it to stop would be counter to his nature, but there are times it just drives me up the wall. He has at least 100 pipe cleaners. It looks like a giant, technicolor birds nest that no one is allowed to touch. If you take a pipe cleaner and bend it into a cool shape for him, he gets pissed off, so no one touches the pipe cleaners. Music is another thing that has strict rules around him. No one sings "Reaper" by the 100 Monkeys in the house except for him, seriously, brawls have broken out bad enough that I have had to pull over the van when I had it, and separate children who were intent on serious bodily harm. He hates wearing clothes. The minute he hits the door when he gets home from school he is stripping off his clothes. He is skin to wind constantly. Its really annoying when people come over, but its how he likes to be, even when its cold.
We have all adjusted to his habits and behaviors over the years and we are all fiercely loyal and loving towards Sticky. He is my son and their brother. He has a wicked sense of humor that often leaves us all shocked at its complexity, and hes genuinely loving and devoted to all of us, even when we drive him crazy by stealing a pipe cleaner.
When Sticky was born with Downs, it was like getting blindsided by a Mack truck. We had no idea he had it because all the tests had come back normal. The ultrasound showed nothing, none of the blood work showed anything, but in the midst of the horrible delivery, as I was bleeding out and just before the seizure that changed my life, I saw his face and I knew.The last thing I remember saying was,"Oh my God, he has Downs." and seeing the nurses face that told me I was right. Waking up alone in my hospital room a day later with a Social Worker sitting beside my bed telling me about my,"Options" for my baby son who I hadn't even seen since that moment left me feeling like the world had imploded, but the only thing I had to tell her was that the only option I had for him was to come home with me. I gladly took the pamphlets she offered on being the parent of a,"Special Needs Child" and after she left I started unhooking myself from equipment so I could go find my son,(That hospital grew to not like me very much as I tended to do that), and after I caused a bit of a stir amongst the nurses, I was finally taken to see him in the NICU.
Tiny, sickly, but fierce and creating a stir because he had a full head of hair that stuck up all over the place and he was cute as a button, my baby boy looked like a transformer with all the equipment he was hooked up to. For 10 days we were there. It was touch and go for the first few and then he started gaining finally and winning and growing. My little ginger tiger has given me many reasons to worry over the years, but hes not something I regret and hes not something I have ever considered a burden. Hes my son. Hes different. All my kids are different. Hes very high functioning for a Downs kid and hes loved by more than a few people for his kindness, his humor, and his optimism.
When you find out you are going to be a parent, its terrifying. You worry about everything that could go wrong, and truthfully, there are many, and almost none of them are in your control. I did everything right when I was pregnant with Sticky. I didn't drink or smoke and I have never done drugs. I was healthy and active and I followed all the rules, and it all went to hell in the last few months. I developed Pregnancy Induced Hypotension and he had to be delivered early to save my life,but none of the tests had prepared us for him to have Downs or for me to end up with brain damage from the seizure that occurred during delivery.I think Im damn lucky to be alive. I think Im lucky my son is alive. I know my doc saved my life and my ability to have more kids, so im grateful to him. I dont understand how people could ever consider suing for having a child like Sticky, yet there is a family here in Portland that is doing just that, suing the hospital and the doctor because they had a child with Downs. They are suing for "Wrongful Life" and all I can think is what horrible people.I dont often judge people because I dont know the lives they lead and many people dont have it in them to cope with a challenge like parenting a kid like Sticky, but then I have to wonder, how would they cope if one of their,"Normal" kids ended up damaged through an accident? I have had friends that had a baby injured though an accident. The child got strangled on its car seat strap and ended up brain damaged and blind. They didn't toss it away, they kept it and did their best as parents, because that is what you do.
Im not religious. I lost my faith when I was 14 and im not going to go into why, but I believe that you have a duty and an obligation to those dependent on you to protect them and love them and do your best to care for them. Im not the best person in the world, I am atoning for many things, but I know that I did the right thing with Sticky, and I am proud to be his mother and I dont need 3.6 million to make me feel that way.

Dear Roger: Monkey Loving

My kid is a better person than me. I've probably said that before, but really, she is truly and honestly a better person. She sees only the good in people, giving them the benefit of the doubt, trusting that they are doing what is best and loving unconditionally, unless they have personally hurt her or someone she loves. After she got over the initial shock of the Monkey boys going their separate ways, she made sure to comfort ME! She seemed to figure out that I was a little bummed out as well, because, yeah, I have to admit it, I have a pretty big soft spot when it comes to those guys. They have been the sunshine in the darkness for us and I freaking hate change, so I guess I was a little mopey as well. I understood the reasoning, because, I gave up something that was just about my sole reason for existing,(I thought), when I realized my little boy needed me more than I needed my police officers badge, so I get it, but its still hard to see things change.
I took her out with me yesterday to get a few groceries and while we were out together, we finally did some talking without the boys breathing down out necks or making fun of us, so I asked her how she was doing? She told me,"Well, I'm still a little sad and I will miss him very much, but I understand why he left.People have lives to live and hes going to be a daddy, and good daddies want to be with their kids, and Jackson will be a good daddy, not like my daddy so he will want to be home, not out all the time and away and concerts are too noisy for babies.He just better quit smoking because that's not good for babies. Jerad will be back and he will take care of things, and im getting used to Ben G. hes big and a little scary and lots of weird, but weird is very good. I will still love Jackson always, and maybe someday I will see him again and I hope he wont forget me because I will never forget him."
It was hard to not tear up in the middle of the damn store. I was so proud of her that I did hug and kiss her and tell her that. Because I had been so worried about her not handling things at all. Its hard when your heroes do things you don't expect. I still think I was traumatized forever by seeing John Wayne die in the "Cowboys". I mean, the man had practically raised me because my father was in Viet Nam for 3 tours and then checked out when he got back, so other than you, when you weren't in Japan or Grandpa, the Duke was my father figure, so seeing him shot and killed (even in a movie), in front of me when I was her age, was horrific and I remember crying so hard that I threw up, but her? She cried, and even seeing a couple of the videos have brought a little grimace of sadness to her face today, but she is doing pretty good all in all. Her favorite boy tweeted out a pic of his babies bits last night, showing that he is having a son, and she was ecstatic! Whooping and hollering and then she stopped and looked pensive for a moment, she was doing the math, calculating how long she has to get done with her Masters degree and get rich before hes an adult.
More gray hairs.
She is getting Baptized this Sunday on her birthday and she has been inviting people,so far no one is coming which really stinks, but I'm going to be there with her monkey and that was really important to her. I told her father, but he had no comment other than to talk about something his nephew was doing. Im going to record it for her and that way she will have the memories of it. She hasn't said much about not getting any cards or anything yet for her birthday, shes just so different from my other kids. When it was Stubbys birthday week, he started in at the beginning and haunted the mailbox daily, and then got angry at me when nothing arrived until the last minute or late, her? its like she has bigger fish to fry, and really, I guess she does, shes rehearsing for her play and shes learning,"March of the Sugarplumb Faries" on the piano. The show is going on.

Dear Roger:Got 99 Problems And A Monkey Is One

Young rock stars are the perpetual teenagers of the entertainment world, they often do things that leave you wondering just what the hell? With seeming no rhyme or reason that makes no sense to their fans, and they don't have to explain themselves because after all, they are what they are, people who are marketing a product, themselves and when they get tired of marketing it and want to move onto bigger and hopefully better things, they often decamp without so much as a "Fuck you all very much, Im going to go do this now." I have lived through it countless times, and I am, in fact pretty immune to it at this point in my life. I do get sad when I hear that a band I enjoy no longer plays live music, but hell, I know how artistic temperaments are, so the fact that people did get together and managed to make wonderful music for a few years without killing each other amazed the hell out of me, especially with some of the flair for the dramatic I have observed in some personalities, my daughter, however, is another story.
She is a relative rookie to how the world of entertainment works. I mean, sure she has seen a few of her favorite cartoon shows get cancelled and she knows what it feels like to see something she treasures come to an end, after all, she was there with me when we watched the ending of Harry Potter and we cried together in the theater like the proud Potter nerds we are, but what happened today took the pain to a whole new level for her and I wasn't ready to have to explain that to her, especially a week before her damn birthday.
I know one, nobody, little, nearly 8 year old child doesn't figure into that kind of decision making when the bigwigs get together and decide to do things, but for fucks sake, what a dick move to make that kind of announcement right now.I was floored when I realized that there really would be no way to keep it from her. I had ordered her some more merchandise from the damn website and while I am delighted that the Bens and Uncle will be keeping it alive, honestly, Ben G freaks her out a little, she doesn't really know that much about Ben J, and while she likes Uncle Larry, she ADORES Jackson and Jerad with all her little heart.
Bless Jerad for sending me the message that he will be coming back from time to time, that is the first thing I showed her when she got home from church. She already knew something bad was up, her brother wouldn't let her on her computer and he was being too nice to her, (a sure tell something BAD had gone on), she was afraid her favorite boy had died so I had to go with with band aid method and just tell her that he had left the band, that they had broken up and were no longer together. The reaction was like she had been slapped.
You know I hate to see my baby cry, right? Heartbroken sobbing with plaintive little,'But why??" followed by "Ill never see them again, I told you!" Just rip my heart to pieces and set it on fire. Even her jerk brothers felt bad for her, so you know it was bad when they go in and give her hugs and try to soothe her. Her older brothers reaction was,"Why do I want to kick someones ass?" Leaves me thinking there may be hope for him as a big brother yet.
Shes hurting. But we talked about it quite a bit and she knows that its really not that bad when you look at it in perspective, after all, Jerad reassuring us that he would be back was hugely comforting to her, and she has the memories of all the great time that they gave her in the past that made such a huge difference to a little girl that had so much pain and sadness for so long by those boys who had brought us to the sunshine.
I dont know what this means for her relationship with her favorite boy as he takes off into new and uncharted territory. The people with the Monkey crew had always been kindly indulgent about getting her little missives to him, but in the big ole Hollyweird machine, I know that things tend to not always be that way. Things and people change, this has been her first lesson in that and while its an ongoing one, I am hoping it wont all be a negative one for her, after all, all her monkeys are still alive and kicking and she knows one that I held dear, isnt, so she knows there are worse things to contemplate.

Dear Roger:My Monkey Girl

I'm going to warn you now, I'm going to be in a mopey mood for the next couple of weeks, but I think I have a good reason, my baby is soon to turn 8. That may not seem like much of a big deal to most people, but to me, it is because I can see changes in her. She has always been an,"Old Soul", wise beyond her years, and with her intelligence far above that of an average 8 year old, she does things differently, but she has always managed to retain that somewhat youthful spirit and she had stayed away from the things that seemed to be the benchmarks of a little girl growing up, but lately, I have noticed a shift.
Since she was a small, small, girl she has adored the same boy. His grinning mug adorns the walls around her bedroom and whenever he showed up on tv or anywhere, the world stopped so she could watch and listen. If anyone said a cross word about him, she flew to his defense and there was hell to pay and often blood drawn. She was fierce and loyal and stalwart in her love and devotion, but a couple of days ago something happened, something that shocked us all, and left me wondering what to do? She was playing some educational game with her brother and they were conducting a an interview of each other and one of the questions was,"Who is your favorite actor?" I wasn't really paying too close of attention to what was going on until she said,(without hesitation),"Dan Radcliffe". The entire room stopped, and I swear you could have heard the sound made when a needle is drawn sharply across a record. Her older brother fell off the couch on to the floor as if shot, Stubby jumped up and ran over to feel her head and began asking if she was okay, and I just stared at her. Even Sticky was stunned.
She looked at us like we were all crazy. "I've seen ONE of Jackson's movies because mom says the others are too ADULT,(got the little sarcastic air quotes going for that), I loved AIM HIGH, but I'm Sorry, Harry Potter has been around my whole life and Dan Rad is awesome. I love Jackson as my favorite singer!" Chance was still laying in the floor as if he was in shock so she stomped over and kicked him before stomping off to her room and slamming the door, offended that we were acting so stunned. I went in later and she was laying in her bed, cuddling her stuffed monkey and still sniffling."I do love him! Dont say I dont! I just like Dan Rad too." I told her it was perfectly fine and normal, and that its the job of brothers to tease and harass little sisters and that she should be used to it by now.
She gives as good as she gets in the teasing and harassing department and she cuts the boys no slack when it comes to their disgusting habits. She has come stomping out of the bathroom, ire all over her face as she hunts up the miscreant who was last in the bathroom to yell at them about learning to aim or flush the toilet, or to not leave their fouled underwear in the bathroom along with wet towels. I drew the line when the day when she caught Sticky peeing with the seat down, smacked him in the back of the skull, made him stop peeing, lifted the seat after she made him wipe it off and then let him finish and angrily castigated him about forgetting to flush and wash his hands.Stubby told me this tale and warned me that she was acting like she was the ,"Boss" of the family. Maybe not the boss, more like the assistant zookeeper. She complains to me about the boys being,'Weird and gross" and she helps to keep them in line, but even she has her moments of savagery and keeping clothes on her is an ongoing project. Half the time she wanders around the house in her monkey panties, a set of skull crusher headphones and that monkey of hers hanging around her neck, or if shes feeling really creative, she wears her monkey beanie over the headphones.
She is getting older and she has started getting interested in older girl things, and there have been rumblings about hair cuts and dyeing and ear piercings and shes always asking about a tattoo,(my bad),and when she dresses to go out, she dresses like a punk rocker. She has developed an affinity for Bettie Page dresses and heels and quite often when we do go out, she is wearing her heels, carrying a small purse, and wearing a hat and gloves like someone from the 50's, though she is wearing garishly bright socks that quite often have skulls on them. I don't try to stifle her style and I have told her older brother to leave her alone, though there are nights he has angrily texted me from their ride to church about allowing her to go looking like a,'Suicide Girl in training". If he had his way, she would be back in the traditional second grade, wearing only little girl dresses, no monkeys, no computers, no music and a lot less attitude. He disagrees with her being in the advanced classes online where she is now taking some 4th grade level work and moving quickly though her lessons, he disagrees with her being allowed to go to concerts where she has fraternized with little rock stars and holds them to be her heroes,(though maybe not her favorite actor as of yet), he disagrees with her being allowed to listen to music like Golgol Bordello and Adam Ant. He thinks shes defiant and cocky and too smart for her own good and headed down the wrong path and soo many other things that he just really found fit to complain about,in spite of the fact that her one major request for her birthday was to be BAPTIZED on it,(which will be happening), but I think what it comes down to, it this, hes trying to be the big brother, the substitute father because for more than half her life she has had none, and hes realizing that she is doing quite well on her own. She is succeeding and growing and rising above it all.He tries to use our poverty and stress as an excuse for not getting his school work done, and the other day she called him on it. She said,"You just ate 8 eggs and the last of the bread, I have had half of a bagel and some koolade. I know whats going on just as much as you do. I'm doing my schoolwork. I have 8 classes in a day, you have 6, if you didn't gripe at mom so much, you would have more time to get stuff done." My baby girl always has my back, even when she is mad at me. Shes always been like that. Shes always been team mom. I don't know how much longer that will last, and I savor it like the last days of a perfect summer, because I know things change and she will eventually see me like the rest of them do, a pain in the ass that cramps her style, but for now, I am second in her heart to that monkey and I will take it.