Ive really cut down on my coffee habit and that is another weird thing. I am actually drinking more and more of that stuff I call "Hippy tea" or "Chai", its kinda a strange flavored blend of God knows what, hot tea and its actually not too bad. Its supposed to be better for me, but hell! at this point in the game its not like that really matters. Im still struggling to keep an ass in my pants. I gain a few pounds and then it falls right back off, but when you dont have an appetite, its hard to gain weight. I have been cooking more often and I even made breakfast the other day with grits and gravy, so its not like im not trying. Im cooking a pork tenderloin today to pull apart and make into green chili for burritos. When I told Chance what I was making, I swear the boy got the biggest smile I had seen on his face in months. He eats like food is free, and we all know its not, because there have been a few times we ran out and things got a little on the scary side, but its getting better now because I got a job. The downside is that it doesn't start for a couple of weeks, and its not a lot of money, and the hours may be hard to coordinate with daughters schedule.I figure it wont be too difficult because its only 4-12 hours a week, and I am damn sure not gonna get rich off of that, but at least it will give us some emergency funds. We are all so damn tired of not having two dimes to rub together by the end of the month, that we could just scream.
The ex is still making me crazy.I am torn between wanting to talk to my boys all the time and then not wanting to talk to him. His sister loaned him the money to save the house, so he was able to catch things up, so that means I wont be getting the boys sooner.Though I was stressing trying to support 4 kids on my own, I was so happy at the thought of having my babies all back with me. It tears my heart out to hear Sticky cry when I call and talk to him, and I just want to go get him.I cant go back to AZ,because when I call I can hear in my ex's voice that he revels in the fact that he thinks he won. He seems to enjoy telling me about all the changes he has made to the house and all of my things he is using. Some days he is okay,but then he just seems to revel in being cruel, so its status quo with him.
Chance got a concussion at football practice on Monday.I cannot express how badly that scared the ever loving hell outta me. They let him walk home alone and when he got here I should have known he was hurt bad because he was more irritable than usual, he was sweaty, nauseous and dizzy. I thought maybe he was just dehydrated so I got him a drink and then sent him to take a shower. He was still pale when he got out and grumpy and we bickered quite a bit, so he went to lay down. I made him get up after a couple of hours and take some tylenol and eat dinner, but he still was not himself. He told my friend Sus that he had gotten hit really hard in practice and nearly knocked out! Why the hell wasn't he taken to the hospital by the school? I want him to quit football because I know the problems that repeated blunt force impacts to the skull can create, and he is just too smart and talented to have to deal with that. I dont want my son to have to live with tinnitus and migraines and seizures, he has such a bright future, but he doesn't want to be seen as a quitter. Im trying to figure out a way to compel him to stop playing without being obvious about it,because frankly I am terrified he is going to get hurt worse.
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