Dear Roger;Apparently I am "Freaking Know it All"

"Geek, Nerd,Annoying Pain-in-the-Ass, gamekilling Know it all", these are all names I was called before I was finally banned from all board games with friends and family. I am no longer allowed to play any form of Trivial Pursuit, Scrabble, or any game that involves knowledge of words, language, obscure facts, or even pop culture or strategy! W.T.F.? I am not even allowed to play checkers because I,"over-think" the moves and beat the snot out of everyone I play against and they all want to throw the board after a few games against me. I break out a few words in Russian or Latin or even Italian or French and then challenge the rule interpretation on a couple of games, and all of the sudden no one wants to play with me.

Chance led the movement to ban me from the games,calling me a ,"Freak" that knows way too much weird, obscure shit about too many things and he claimed that I am obsessive about making sure things are correct and that I get annoyed when people get things wrong and I would just get sullen if too many trivia facts were screwy within the game,(as they often are) and that I would waste a bunch of time proving the game info wrong. When the hell did he observe all my so called obsessions? He claims that I am a such a nerd that I am too good at too many things and that I just ruin things for,"normal people" and that I shouldn't be able to play. It really hurt my feelings and I pointed out that I am not good at math and he just rolled his eyes and huffed at me,"because you choose to have a block about equations, but you KNOW all kinds of weird mathematical shit because of Amir and you have a basic grasp of Ring Theory and thats just freaky, so dont even go there", so then I reminded him that I cant read music and that just pissed him off and he yelled at me,"yeah, because you freaking play by ear whatever you want after you hear it once or twice and you can pick out each individual instrument in a damned song and tell if its real or electronic and you can tell when someone is flat or just off and you know more than 10 different guitarists just by how they freaking sound on a couple of chords!" GIVE IT UP! Just go read something like freaking Scientific American or whatever and let us lowly mortals play our simple games and be happy!

I kept muttering at him about my failings, such as grammar and punctuation or my fashion faux pas such as wearing boots all summer long and the hideous gray wifebeater, and I was promptly told that idiosyncrasy and refusal to participate in the rules of English writing as a result of my personal revolt against the APA and MLA style Nazis does not equal humanity. Not even my perpetually screwed up hair issues got me any leverage, but then I played my trump card, my guaranteed in, proof that I am human and prone to weakness and incapable of handling one aspect of life, imperfect and fouled up beyond all repair! I.CANNOT. FIND. A. MAN!

"aww geeze, I guess we should let her play". We found most of the Scrabble pieces after the board hit the wall 20 minutes later.