Dear Roger:Training is Lacking In Many Ways

I despise rudeness and the lack of civility. Sometimes I really think I may have been born in the wrong era, because I am a firm believer in using good manners and proper decorum that soo many seem to find,"weird" or "old-fashioned" in today's world. I believe in showing gratitude and repaying kindnesses as well as acknowledging small favors done. I have said many times I owed a debt of gratitude to a young man for a kindness he did of for my child and I meant it and I have worked to repay it in as many ways that my limited means will allow, including loyalty and support. I find it shameful that so many people take things for granted, and that they expect people to just give and give and give of themselves. Maybe it is the instant access to so many things in the world that has fostered this attitude, maybe it is the inattention of family and the disconnection from the traditional social interactions that used to foster social niceties, but so many people lack simple basic, good manners.

I have taught my children manners from the moment they were capable of understanding things and one of the first was how to say,"Thank you". They also learned that no one other than their family, owed them a damned thing and if someone was kind enough to give them a gift or a kindness, then they should acknowledge it and graciously accept it and repay it in kind. I have taught my children to say,"Ma'am and Sir and Please" and to hold doors as well as all the old fashioned social niceties that I guess I just take for granted that people taught their kids.I am finding that my children are, in fact an anomaly and I am a freak for expecting them to know manners and use them.

I was explaining to daughter yesterday that she should not refer to an adult who was vastly older than her by their first name unless told it by the adult that it was acceptable to do so because it was rude and disrespectful. I then provided examples and told her that I expected her to use her best manners when meeting and speaking to adults,and I explained the importance of good eye contact and a firm handshake. An adult sitting at a table near us looked at me like I had suddenly sprouted three heads.

I dont pretend that I am the foremost authority on manners and discipline,(well, maybe discipline), but I work very hard to raise children that will know how to navigate in a world where adult CEO's are having to attend etiquette classes so they dont offend people and lose contracts because they dont realize its rude to fart at the dinner table. My children already know this, as well as the etiquette for tea in both British and Japanese culture. They know about taking their shoes off at the door, and how to bow and curtsy as well as simply say,'Thank you" when it is warranted. If nothing else I have done for them sinks in and serves them well, I have a feeling that this will help them, because from what I have observed, social skills are sorely lacking in not only poor kids, but the rich as well and quite a few people could use a meeting with my grannys wooden spoon.

I have managed to land a part-time job! I am pretty happy about this and although its only a few days a week, its a start and it will allow me the time and freedom to hunt for other work while I do it. We are supposed to start moving into our new apartment tomorrow and I am happy about that as well, if it ever stops raining long enough for me to move stuff without it getting soaked! Its chilly again up here and this may well be the shortest summer I have ever lived through.