I still mourn you, and all my family that I have lost too soon, but I have to keep moving forward and taking time for myself is something I cannot afford to do at this point. I have soo much weighing on me constantly. I am the soul support of myself and my four kids. My ex contributes nothing to us but stress.
He says he is coming to Portland in two weeks when the foreclosure on the house is a,'Done deal". He has been busily selling off everything of value out of it, (mostly my things), and that breaks my heart. He sold my mahogany mansion bed the other day. A bed that was the first piece of brand new furniture that I bought for myself with money I earned after I finished my college degree. I paid $1200 for the frame and I was very proud of it. It had a fancy mattress with a super thick memory foam topper and all kinds of fancy sheets and what not. It was my sinful luxury and he sold it for $130, for everything including some of my sheets. My custom made, oak and maple, hand inlaid side tables that the kids at the local high school made while I was the assistant teacher? Tables that would go for over $250 each? He sold for $20. I had to quit listening to him gloat after a while. He would say that he wasnt gloating, that he was mearly telling me, but he was enjoying the fact he knew he had me in tears. He thinks he won, but he didnt really. He will be homeless in 2 weeks. He has done it to himself. Who in the hell loses a home that has a payment of $572 a month? He doesnt pay child support. He never will and I know that. I have gotten the kids what they need their entire lives, and I expect to continue doing just that. My kids know I am the one who takes care of things. My daughter said that this afternoon before she left for church. "I appreciate all you do mom. I know you are the one who takes care of things for us because Ed wont." She saw me as I came in from work, filthy dirty and bone tired and more than a little bummed that my eldest son had done nothing that I had asked him to do. I had not only worked all day long, I had done 4 loads of laundry, and folded it. All I had asked him to do was finish off the two loads left and put away all the clean stuff. I had done all the dishes, and worked my ass off, he had done nothing...nada except sit on his butt and play his guitar since he got home from school,(well, that and eat),and when I called him on it, he gave me attitude and all I saw was my ex standing there blaming me for not getting all the laundry done and not working more hours. It was hard to bite my tongue and just throw the snark he threw at me, right back at him in an equal amount without taking it to a destructive level,and then I just said,"Fine...I dont know what I expected from a boy. I will just do it myself because God knows I am used to doing all the work and taking care of everything and everybody because there are no men left in the world, its the women who have to carry everything." He stood there a minute and then huffed at me and stomped into the room and put the laundry away. He still didnt get the other loads of laundry done, and I will have to try and fit that in amongst everything else tomorrow, but at least he got the point.
Training the new puppy is going well. He is pretty smart and hes healthy and growing quick. He has already learned to walk on the leash and sit as well as fetch, though actually bringing it back to me is a work in progress. Hes gotten the house breaking thing down and as long as people pay attention to him, he doesnt make any mistakes. The needle sharp puppy teeth are a bit of a drag as he prefers to taste everything and everyone, but a good, solid, nip once or twice has pretty much put a stop to him chewing on me,but the kids are still a bit squeamish about biting a dog.
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