My sister and I are about as opposite as two siblings can possibly be. I dont know if its because she spent so much time with granny and pa and I spent so much time with you and grandma and grandpa, but she grew up being quite the typical Texas fru fru girly girl with the big hair and the make up and perfectly done nails and all the fancy dress, and I grew up wearing jeans and boots with short hair, always mucking about with guns and vehicles and fighting with boys and hanging out doing things that she wouldn't because she might get dirty or muss her hair. We weren't close as kids, in fact we fought like cats and dogs, to the point of broken bones,(3 ribs for her and a finger when she tried to push me onto a water moccasin), so we stayed away from each other as much as possible. She never played sports like I did, and she damn sure made fun of me for being the only girl playing soccer in our town. She was my parents favorite,I knew it because my mom said it one day when we were waiting for a rodeo event I was riding in was about to begin and she was debating weather or not my sis was going to go out for Rodeo queen, mom made no bones about the fact that she thought sis was the prettiest, but she thought I was the smartest,(any wonder Im more than just a little fucked up?) well anyway, we survived that mental fuckery to grow up and endure some pretty horrible events that drew us together .Either way, we have developed a much better relationship as we have gotten older and we are protective of each other, talking about things in our pasts that no one else knows and that we have to deal with somehow. She teases me to keep things light, and she gets away with harassing me over things that no one else could, including my lack of a social or sex life, and she enjoys rubbing the fact that she married Mr. Perfect/Superman, in my face. I am actually very happy for her, because she is the perfect example of someone who kissed a lot of toads to find her Prince Charming, and he is a rare gem that she treasures and protects unlike I have ever seen her protect in her life. He is her 3rd and final, and I have to say, I wish like hell he had a brother! A man that would marry a woman who had been through an abusive relationship, who had 4 kids, no money, no prospects, and who was skittish as hell, yet he went for it? Siiiiiiighhhh!And hes a good looking, hard working, honest, funny and kind to all the kids and relatives, MAN.
SO, since my sis seems to be an expert on situating hard cases with decent relationships, she has decided to try and help me, though I think shes at a bit of a disadvantage because we are around 1800 miles apart, and I am very set in my ways.She calls me and nags at me about how I am dressing each day. My sis is one of those who gets up each day, turns on her curling iron, and then goes and makes her coffee. I dont own a curling iron. I dont own a hair dryer,make up, heels,or anything like that. I own one dress that I bought from a Russian woman at a yard sale for $2.00, because I thought its kinda cool to have a little black slut dress around just in case. I dont have any heels because I have actually hurt myself wearing heels, meaning I have cracked an ankle and twisted my knee before. I wear boots, or if I am being lazy I have a pair of chucks that I slip on. I have a pair of Adidas running shoes for my heavy training , but beyond that its all boots all the time. I dont even know how to put make up on, seriously, my mom never taught me. My sis was taught by my cousins Rose and Rob, so she is a bit of an expert, but my hair was kept short, and I was a bit of a hassle due to my soccer and baseball and all that, so my mom kept my hair chopped off and didn't bother with teaching me anything like makeup, the one time she used a curling iron on me, she burned the top of ear to hell and gone, so I refused to ever let her near me with it again. I was written off as as a hopeless case when it came to getting me into a dress when I went to my Senior prom in jeans with my camera to shoot pictures for the school paper, (I had gone as a Jr and left early to go get drunk and make out with my boyfriend on an oil lease, thus ditching my dress asap), embarrassing my family and leaving lingering questions regarding my sexual preferences forevermore in the minds of more than a few of the staff at the High School, as if they didn't already have more than a few questions because of my Mohawk, Docs and love of punk rock and muscle cars and propensity for hanging out with boys. What people didn't seem to realize that hanging out with boys should have been proof enough, but oh well.
Soo, my sis and my friend Sus have been on a mission to try to make me more girly and appealing to men. My sis calls and asked me yesterday what I was wearing, because she believes that you ought to be dressed and prepared at all times for the man of your dreams to come knocking at your door," Soo what do you have on ?" uhhh, my fire dept sweat shirt, my cargo shorts, chucks. "Gag!, that rotten old sweater that you have fixed a dozen times and those shorts that hang off your ass?" yeah..."Is your hair at least done?" depends on what you mean by done, I washed it this morning and ran my fingers through it a couple of times. " Are you wearing any jewelry?" well, just my typical stuff...I have a collar on my ankle, got my new Spencer Bell Memorial band on my wrist along with a cuff. " Did you quit wearing the handcuff necklace, you know that really sent off a weird message to guys?", I miss my handcuff necklace, and I think it sent off a perfectly apt message about exactly what I am about to guys. "OH JESUS, I dont really want to know! But its gone, right?" yeah, I left it along with a lot of my other stuff in Arizona. "Okay, what about earrings or stuff like that, do you have anything that doesn't look like you are into bondage?"( I dont answer),"Okay im gonna take that as a "NO", so here is what you need to do, take Chance with you, go to Target or something and have him pick you out some ear rings and maybe a necklace or two." I dont have any money for that foolishness. "Do you have any clothes that aren't black, brown, red, white, or jeans or do you even own a dress right now?" I told her about the slut dress, but that I left my stockings, and garters in Arizona and that I dont have any heels, so she just made sounds like she was trying not to laugh or throw up. "Do I even want to know what you were doing with garters and stocking?" they went with the corset. "Corset?...OH.My.GOD., We need to get together and have a tequila talk party dont we?" well, I left all that in Arizona, so perhaps after my ex finds it and the rest of the stash, there will be something to talk about."You left it?!" yeah, gotta give the guy something to eat his heart out over, the bastard is gonna wonder about what was going on for those two years for the rest of his life once he finds those. "Soo, back to the task at hand, what are we going to do about you, you arent going to catch a man if you constantly look like you could kick the ass of every male that could possibly be interested in you." I dont do well playing the helpless female, its just not in me to look that way, and whats the point of getting all dressed up to sit around the house? " Well what if some good looking guy you have been twittering at shows up at your door?"(my sis is technologically backwards and does not twitter or facebook and has no understanding)No one ever comes by here except my landlord and he is gay, or Sus. Nobody I 'Twitter" with, knows how to find me,im a tweet ninja, and besides, Im a poor white trash scrub in the 'burbs of Portland, and my life is not a romcom. "WOW, you know how to be a buzzkill dont you?" I could tell she was getting frustrated with me at this point, so we started discussing options for my hair which seems to be in a constant state of disarray lately, though its growing like never before. I agreed to not cut it off again in frustration or in mourning,(as long as no one in the family dies again), and she offered some suggestions on how to tame it now that it has oddly found the desire to curl in odd places. I teased her some about becoming a grandma before me and her desire to move to Florida, while I am inhabiting climes further and further North and more and more funky, she just snidely remarked that she is aging gracefully while I have become one of those who seems to desire to forever be the,'Problem child".
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