She had invited daughter to the churches Easter Egg hunt on Monday. In fact, son and daughter had gone over to her house and had helped to dye eggs for the hunt. We had met up again on Wednesday when we went to the grocery store together, and we had firmed up plans even more, as well as the fact she had sent me a couple of text messages letting me know it was a go, so I did not see the need to check in daily to make sure it was all still as we had discussed. I had figured if anything changed, she would let me know. My daughter was expecting to go, she was excited and we all got up, got showered early, and I even did her hair up pretty so she would look extra nice. I was planning on going with, and I sent Sus a text at 0830 let her know we were ready. We got no response. At 0930, when it was too late to attend the egg hunt up at the local elementary school, I sent a message to Sus, asking if we were still going or if things had changed. Asking that she please let us know so that we did not spend our entire day sitting around waiting. It was a rare sunshiney day and there was no way in hell I was spending it stuck inside. Sus called me back and she said that her husband had told her that if we were planning on going then we should have called and confirmed?! What the fuck? Since when does someones husband get in the middle of an A&B conversation? Then she tried to claim that the only time I call is when I want daughter taken somewhere! That is soo not true! She takes my daughter to church. I have called to invite her to lunch or to other places, but she doesn't get up until HOURS after I do. I am out the door and down the street before she even gets out of bed. I have called to invite her out, but she doesn't like to go the same places I go, and other times she has been up her husbands butt or doing stuff at the church or with her parents or something like that. We lead two pretty different lives. But what really got to me was how often when I am with her, she is on the phone or she gets into long, involved, phone conversations with people. We aren't hanging out with each other, we are just keeping each other from being alone and thats dysfunctional. It also really hurt my feelings that her son has never once spent the night at my house. He wanted to last night my son told me, but she told him no, as if we aren't good enough. I have raised a good kid. He has had to to without a lot of the things that her son has had, and he is still doing good in all his classes, still participating in sports, hasn't been detention, hasn't been in serious trouble. I dont treat my son like an inmate, I trust him to make informed decisions about what he watches on tv or the computer and I know hes not some kind of deviant.
So after we exchanged rather heated words over the phone this morning, I had to deal with my 7 year old in tears because not only did she miss her churches Easter egg hunt, she also got screwed out of the one up at the school. I had a long heart to heart talk with her and we reached a couple of decisions. She is no longer going to burden them with her presence by needing a ride to their church because after we are going to finally find the Methodist church we have been looking for. We aren't going to take a step back and look at making some new friends. We know we can do it, after all, we have already found a few that think like us and have some of the same beliefs. We believe in,"Live and let love" and we like different people and cultures, and we think the boys that walk by holding hands are cute and okay, not,"Gross or disgusting". There are lots of music fans around, who dont mind tattoos and or who think looking and acting different is just fine. Im still a punk at heart, and I may send my kids to church, but I have issues with faith for myself that I really dont want to get into with a minister that I dont like, or in a church where I dont fit in because while I may be over-educated, I am waay the hell poorer than 3/4 of the membership, but I still consider myself to be a better citizen because I am not suborning breaking of laws or supporting of those who continue to flaunt the law with the indulgence of the ministry that on one hand begs nickels and dimes from children before they are allowed to participate in church activities, yet has a better sound system for its band than many professional rock bands. We will be seeking a humble church that remembers the message and the roots from whence it came, and I will seek my friends there.
We made some new friends in the park today, which is where we ended up after I got lil girl to stop crying. We walked down to the nearest ice cream place and I bought her a cone. We walked over to the park and she ate her cone while I played lizard on one of the benches out in the sun. When she finished her cone, she started running around and she encountered one of her friends from school. They had a good time on the swing while the mom and I chatted for a bit and it turns out we have a lot in common. Both of us have dealt with a bad ex and domestic violence, kids that have had a hard time adjusting to all the trauma, and we have had to deal with the whole shame and self doubt of even trying to start our lives over. We ended up exchanging phone numbers and planning on talking more. So maybe today happened for a reason.
Daughter and I walked on down to Kmart and of course I ended up carrying her goofy monkey,"Jackson". I dont even really question it anymore when she grabs it up before we leave to go somewhere, I just tell her to be sure to not lose it because I am not hunting over hell and half of Portland for him if she lost him,(though we all know I damn sure would), in a heart beat. I always end up stuck with him hanging out of my back pocket, getting the funny looks from people as we wander up the sidewalk, as if people aren't quite sharp enough to figure out that the monkey belongs to the lil blonde kid that is dancing up the sidewalk in front of me like she doesn't have a care in the world.
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