Dear Roger: Religious or Not?

I finally found my stray yesterday, he had gone to ground for a a bit for some reason or another but yesterday he was back, huddled in his regular spot on the sidewalk, dozing slightly. I took him some stamps and envelopes as well as some paper and a pen so that if he wanted to write someone, he could. I don't know that many people who write letters anymore, but you never know, he might be one of them. I also gave him some more food, and as is his way, he was grateful and thanked me too much. I offered to buy him a hamburger, but he politely declined saying that he had enough and that I shouldn't spend my money on him. I fussed at him a bit, wanting him to have a hot meal, but he demurred, saying he might have some family coming through town in a couple weeks. That is great news! Hopefully they will take him someplace warm and safe. I gave him my cell phone number and told him if he gets into a bind, maybe I could help him out. I just want to know hes safe. 

My son was shaking his head and laughing at me as we were eating our sandwiches later, he said, " You say you aren't religious! You are the most Christian person I know! You call yourself a sinner who is dammed to hell, but yet you are the one is out actually DOING what those people I go to church with are supposed to be doing! They sit around and talk about it, you actually get out and do it. You are a Christian, quit kidding yourself."  That started a bit of an argument/discussion over my motivations for doing what I do and my beliefs and I don't think I managed to convince him of anything. He was on a rant yesterday, wanting to tweet to people about how they had "Lost their way and forgotten that music and friends are the only things worth having because the love of money is that path to hell." and he was determined to prove to me that I was religious even though he knows damn good and well I am not, I just believe in doing what is right. Maybe not what is always easy, but always what is right. It took me a lot of years to learn that. I was not always that way, in fact there was a long time I was all about me and getting what I could, but then I started losing people I cared about, then I nearly died a few times, then I had a life changing event and everything I thought was important was stripped away from me and I had to start over with the things that really were important. I've been down so low I had to climb a ladder to find the bottom and I realized that nothing matters except being a good person and doing good things so that when you are gone, people will say,"They were kind and thoughtful and they made a difference with their deeds." I remember people who were kind to me through the worst of it all and I remember those especially who were kind to my children. They helped to push the pain and misery back and helped us to climb that ladder to the bottom so we could begin our journey back to "Up". I have a debt to repay, and its a debt of kindness that is not even acknowledged anywhere except in my heart and head, but paying it back makes a difference to people. Its made a difference to my stray, and to the women who I helped to find shelter from their abusers, and to the family who I helped to find clothes and furnishings when they needed them, and then to the people they help, because one of the women went on to start babysitting children for other women in bad situations so they could begin the journey out. 

I explained to my son, who claimed he wanted to get rich and famous so he could use his fame to make a difference in the world, that every person has the power to make a difference. Every time you smile and show kindness to your neighbor, or better yet, you step out off your comfort zone and you ask that dirty kid huddled on the sidewalk,"Are you okay?" instead of walking past like the hundreds of other people, you make a difference. Every time you don't tolerate hate speech or behavior or bullying, you make a difference, every time you take a stand for what you know is right in your heart, you make a difference. I told him that I chose to go into public service, Law Enforcement, EMS and FireFighting, because I wanted to make a difference and for a long time I did. It led into things like teaching CPR and First Aid, and giving speeches to young people about why its a good thing to serve your community and your fellow man. I may not have helped tens of thousands of people like some rich celebrity might do by showing up and raising money, but by showing up at a car accident on the side of the road in the wee hours of the morning and crawling in amongst the glass and the blood and the dirt and reassuring the injured person inside that it was going to be,"Okay", I made a difference to them,  and their loved ones and their friends, and to me, that was just as important and a little more concrete.

He and I argued and debated back and forth for quite awhile about this topic and my reasons and motivations for what I do and why I teach my kids the things I teach them, such as the manners and respect and values, but also why I send them to church when I dont go myself. He knows I am somewhat spiritual, but he considers my beliefs a weird amalgamation of Buddhism, Secular Humanism, Catholic faith, and Native American religion, but to me, its just a way of being and a code of values. I don't put a name on it, I don't even try. I am working to balance the scales, atone for my sins, pay forward the kindness, honor the sacrifices of my elders, and just be a damn good person who eases the burdens of those around me. I think I pretty much covered it, but I don't know if that is religion, its just doing my best to be a decent human being, and about half the time its questionable if I succeeded or not.