Dear Roger: If You Give A Kid A Monkey

Talking to my daughter about what she wants in the New Year is kinda a reminder that I may not have failed all my kids totally when it comes to instilling morals and values in them. While she may be a bit of a roughneck at times and prone to popping her brothers in the nose when they steal her Jackson and do crude things to him, she is pretty damn selfless and all of her New Years wishes were for people other than herself. I mean, she said she hopes she gets to see her favorite boy again,(that's a given), but she said,"I want him to eat and sleep and be happy and get all that he wants so he smiles big." For her brothers she vowed to try and not pop them in the nose so much anymore and to try and be patient when they bug her when she is painting or drawing or doing one of her plays. She also vowed to be better about combing her hair and keeping clothes on.
The clothes on thing is a bone of contention between me and all my kids. It drives me a little nuts that they insist on trying to hang out in the living room in their drawers. I ask them, "What are you gonna do if someone comes over?" I always get the scoff and the eyerolls with the,"Nobody ever comes over, nothing exciting ever happens, its hot in the house because you are an anemic weirdo, so let us be." I've gotten Stubby to wear his pj pants that he got for Christmas, but the other three? Its all underwear all the time or worse. I've told my oldest son he should not be in the living room in a towel, ever, because that is bound to end badly with his prankster brothers and a grabby pup around, but it never fails, he always seems to remember something he forgot to ask me just as hes about to get into the shower and then he comes stomping out into the living room, towel barely around him, to say whatever is problem is. Poor daughter clamps her hands over her eyes in defense and usually shouts,'Eww! Soo much hair!!" just to piss him off and then the boys start darting around acting like they are going to grab the towel, Spencer gets into the act and all hell breaks loose. Never mind the fact we live on a busy city street and I keep the blinds open so we get some natural light and I can see out, which means of course, others can see in. My vow is somehow, someway, to put an end to this potential bit of trauma looming. My eldest is 16, stands close to 6ft tall and easily passes for 18, he should not be wandering around in his drawers in the living room or around his little sister, its just ...eww.
Hopefully a lot of things are going to change shortly, and daughter is a big part of it. We are still working on moving down to the Hawthorne so she can go to a better school that will actually be able to allow her to follow her dreams and that will challenge her. Its disgusting to me that the schools here spent all the money to have her tested, found out that yes, she is extremely gifted in all kinds of ways and then they have nothing to offer her other than teaching the slower kids. They have moved her into some 4th grade classes and given her free rein to do pretty much what she wants in reading, but no music, no extra art nothing that she really wants, just like they did with my eldest son who is now dropping out of high school in frustration.
The boy is a natural musician, picking up musical instruments like most pick up breathing, hes also just as gifted and smart as his sister and the schools have done nothing for him except injure him and frustrate him so I am going to help him withdraw when the office re-opens and he is going to try the online college program, but if its the same lack of challenge that the regular schools offer, then I will guide him though getting his GED and mourn the fact my dreams for him will have died because I failed him soo terribly. He might still be able to work his way through some community college program and eventually get a scholarship into a decent college, but A&M will never be in his future, studying Psychology and Music Theory with the idea of using music as therapy for the mentally ill will just be a pipe dream for him.He is not a fortunate son, and he has asked me to let him try to handle things more on his own in this next year, but its hard for me to do that. While he is a young man, he is still my baby and I want the best for him. He encourages me to focus more on his siblings, trying to guide them into things that will ensure their futures are brighter, but I just worry that time is short with him.Maybe he will surprise me and find his hook and run with it, but he has never had the best of examples so I can only hope he just keeps practicing and focused on his music. He played me a song the other day that he had written himself, and it was really cool, so maybe, just maybe the boy knows something that I don't and he will rise above things and make it. He has his faith, and I don't fault him that, in fact, considering hes spending New Years at a church based party over spending it at some big teen party he got invited to? I'm not complaining at all.
I just had to fuss at daughter for tackling and attempting to eye gouge her older brother for some monkey related trauma. I'm thinking that in spite of her best intentions, her New Years resolutions are going to get broken pretty early on.
Mine? Mine are to try and keep moving forward in spite of the 280lb dead weight I allowed to find us and then reinfect our lives like a cancer of the worst kind.
I have my kids to keep things funny and bright and hopeful and with them making sure life is never dull and boring, I have a feeling things will be okay, no matter where we end up or what we end up doing, though if daughter has her way its sure to involve monkeys, music and a lot of silliness. I see nothing wrong with that.