Dear Roger:Decisions and Revisons

Things are about to change, and pretty damn dramatically, one way or another. I've been too damn pissed off to write a decent letter for the past few days so I have just concentrated on writing my other stuff. Being pissed off seems to be a pretty constant state of being for me lately, and that's not a good thing. I was happy for a long damn time, and I don't know what it is lately other than the time of year, the people around me and just the general fuckery that has gone on in my life over the past month, but I am annoyed to the point I want to smack up on something pretty damn hard. If I was in Texas or Arizona, I would take a pistol and a box of rounds and go target shoot at a tree until I felt better, but up here, I just haven't found the place or the time to get into that.
Not having a man around,(NO, the ex does no count in any way shape or form, its like having an old, neutered, dog in your house that piddles on the rug and smells weird, so just...ugh! NO!), has made me cranky. I know I need to get laid, badly,(not badly, goodly), but I don't see that happening any time soon. I still scare the hell out of what passes for men up here and I am not so far gone yet as to be ready to switch teams. I dont get out much. That really hurts my chances for getting any, but that is my own damn fault. If I was more demanding, I would be able to force my son to stay home and baby sit or I would be able to just get out, but I dont see the point. I dont have any money to spare on running around or eating out or anything like that, and its frustrating to have to be soo damn careful all the time because I am supporting 6 people with what I make when its not even enough to support 2. Im grumpy.
My rays of sunshine in all this have been the kids. Stubby has been his usual up and down self, alternately playing nicely with his sister and then harassing the hell out of her. She popped him in the nose the other night for stealing Jackson again and then calling him ,"Gay" , (referring to both monkey and boy), she bloodied his nose and was thumping on him pretty hard, even going for a good old fashioned eye-gouging when I managed to get her pulled off. Dont think I have seen her that furious in a long time. Stub knew he had stepped in it and I got his nose under control and then sent him in to sit on his bed,(the top bunk for his safety), while I got her calmed down. It took a while and a lot of talking. Bless her heart, 1st loves are always the toughest. I remember mine and while I was older, and it ended in a horrible fashion, I do remember the angst. Sticky came out and tried to comfort her, and that was pretty sweet, even her big brother got on Stubbys case about saying mean things, that don't make a bit of difference but shouldn't be said to like they are hateful. I swear, 9 year old boys are rotten little critters.
Daughter is working more and more on her skateboarding. She named her skateboard,"Stella" and she narrowly misses my toes about half the time I am in the kitchen. I worry about her falling, but she hangs onto the counter most of the time. Her father let her fall backwards off the damn slide at the park and bang not only both her elbows really badly, but her skull too. She had a huge knot on it, and scrapes. She told me much later about it and said that when she cried he told her to ,"Get over it and rub dirt on it", so she did. Rub dirt on it? I may kill him. Yes, I do coddle her a little more than the others,but again, she was not a well child when she was born. You nearly lose a kid, you tend to baby them just a little. I also baby Sticky just a bit, but hes gotten so damn independent that when I try he gets annoyed at me. I got what I pretty much wanted with him. I did my best when he was little to make him tough and resilient and independent and I tried to instill in him an attitude that even though he might have Downs Syndrome, that there were a lot more people out there who were more retarded than him who were supposedly normal, and you know what? I have. He got his new glasses last night and he put them on. He didn't like them. He said,"They aren't cool enough for me, they need work." I knew it. I told his father they weren't going to work, but his father wouldn't listen and now we have a problem because when Sticky hates something, he hates something. I will have to see if I can exchange them, or maybe get them adjusted to where he does like them, but he likes his Buddy Holly style glasses, and hes hard to convince to change, just like with his shoes. The boy likes skater shoes, his father tried to cram him into some dorky assed Brahma hiking boots because they were cheap, irresistible force? meet immovable object.The boots went missing. Never to be found. Then some of the dumb asses things started vanishing when he was being mean to Sticky over the boots. Sticky may have Downs, but hes not stupid. Payback is a bitch and that is one kid you dont piss off. All my kids are heathens. Its a constant rolling dog fight in the middle of a circus around here with the monkey drama, the dog that has now decided cat turds are the most tasty treat in the world, the weird, face biting cat that always seems to be in heat, and the wandering crackheads. To add to the fun, Chance came stomping out of the bathroom yesterday wrapped in his sisters bright pink towel, complaining that the tub wasnt draining. Eww. I knew this didnt bode well. I went in and poured some vinegar and baking soda down it with a hot water chaser, and it didnt help much so I got my multi-tool,(the one I used on crime scenes when I was an investigator), and using the needle nose pliers part, I reached into the drain and began pulling things out.
Now my ex looks like a low rent David Crosby, bad hair and all...okay? He is at that age where hair is departing his body in amounts that equal that which Chance is now growing and then manscaping it off voluntarily. I have a daughter with butt length curly blonde hair, and my hair and now past my shoulders. The other two prefer to adopt the butch cut so they contribute much to the problem. What I pulled out of that drain looked like an overweight ginger gerbil with leprosy. I have poked around in rotten people guts, so I have a strong stomach, in fact, pretty much nothing fazes me, Chance however, is a candy ass. I pulled that mass out of that drain and then shook it at him, speculating about the contents of said mass, including what him and the ex might have contributed to it, and the boy about hurled on me. The rest of the kids scattered quicker than if I had said,"Whos going to clean the toilet?"
I got it fixed. Traumatized my kids, had a decent laugh and survived another day. This too shall pass.