Dear Roger:Being Myself? Oh Boy...I Was Hoping For A Second Date

So tomorrow is the date with the banana suited guy and I have to say I am actually nervous about it. I swear and be damned I am not changing who I am for any man because I dont want a ,"Keeper", that I just want a "Friend with benefits", but this guy impressed me. He has a brain and wit and a sense of humor and he offered me intellectual stimulation on top of all the potential for physical stimulation. I kinda want to try and maybe have a second date and maybe a third. What the hell? I dont want any man around for more than a tumble no matter how cute and alluring and talented he is ...right? I am so set in my ways, so misanthropic, that even my friends know that showing up or staying around too long is a bit of a no go with me. I just get edgy and kinda tense and then I get quiet and nervous. I just dont handle people well, but thinking about wanting a MAN around? That is just crazy!I sleep sideways across my bed,(when I actually make it to it), or I sleep out on the couch. Im moody when I am writing and I often mutter and sometimes pace back and forth and rant or curse and wad up paper and throw it at seemingly nothing. I have adult ADD and that makes even me crazy at times. I will go from cleaning to kitchen and cooking dinner to writing to sketching to talking to my son to putting away laundry to working on the computer to checking the mail to rearranging furniture, all within 10 minutes. I have 5-6 stories I am writing at a time, songs that I am working on so I strum on the guitar and curse and mutter and argue with it when I cant get it to sound like I want. I fill up a sketch book and throw it away, I go without talking to people for weeks, sometimes even months. I am a terrible friend. I am still jumpy about physical contact and with my issues with my wisdom teeth, I am sure that I have death breath even though I practically have sonicared the enamel off my teeth and I should own stock in the company that makes scope.

My fashion sense is odd to say the least. I wear jeans and boots almost constantly. My jeans are either blue or black and I no longer have an ass I have been told. I guess it finally fell the rest of the way off. I am skinny, very skinny, as in can shop in children's sizes skinny. I stick with a size 3-5 but I can wear a size 1 or a kids size L. It pisses me off because its not fair. I have had 5 freaking kids! I should have curves! My ass should not be missing at this point in my life. So my jeans, while I try to wear them tight or at least fitting, are often a little baggy in the ass. I do still have nice boobs, that is my one saving grace. My hair is growing out and is that weird in-between place that cannot decide where the hell it is going. but it is blonde with what I am told natural highlights and tones that people pay big bucks to get put in. My tattoos are in need of touch-ups and one just needs repairs, but on the bright side my adult onset acne is mostly cleared up! yeah! As for shirts...I dont wear t-shirts so much anymore, but I have been told I look like a Domme with my banded collar shirts and black short jackets and silver studs and straps and such. Welllll, I dont know what to say about that. I guess I am a bit dominant in my personality and my wardrobe reflects that, so why should I change that? I am not a pastel kinda girl. I am a black and red and leather and metal kinda person. I would like a second date unless this guy is a stinky booger eater, but I cannot surrender too much of who I am. I will leave my hat at home, fix my hair a bit, wear my best boots and shave my legs,(im going to be a slutty optimist), and hope for the best.