Dear Roger;Telling It Like It Was

Its been a few days since I sat down and wrote to you, and I am sorry about that, but I have been writing my ass off on quite a few other things. I have 3 stories I am working on and I signed up to contribute a story to the "Fandom Against Domestic Violence" project. I also wrote out my story and I sent it to them. My way of writing is one that people either love or hate. I tend to not waste a lot of time with flowery word or phrases, and I just throw it down in as plain of English as it went down. I think it also offends many of the English grammar Nazis out there that I am still waging my rebellion against the so called," Styles" like APA,MPA and Chicago otherwise known as formatting and writer uniformity/insanity producing strait-jacketing. I tend to throw down commas like they are errant seeds, and I write like I talk, including phrases like,"Gonna, aint, gave me a flat-assed runaway, and whop-ass", so yeah, Betas and those who aren't familiar with Southern/Texan or just me, tend to have all kinds of seizures when the get ahold of some of my work, but those who get it, really seem to like it. I dont mind writing for a niche audience, the truth of the matter is, I just write for me, and if anybody else happens to read it, well, that suits me all to hell, and if they like it and maybe take something away from it, thats even better, but I write to save myself, not to please someone. But the Domestic Violence project is a little different, its actually writing for a purpose and I took the time to lay out the entire situation and events as the went down, honestly, directly and even as painfully and unfavorably as they may have been to me. I wanted people to realize that living in that kind of life is fraught with difficult and painful decisions that do not end once the parties split up and law enforcement is no longer involved. Sometimes the pain just goes on and on, and the wounds never heal, but not everyone turns into an addict or a drunk , though its hard to resist the temptation.

I wrote it out, submitted it and then I started having the nightmares again. Fuck! I cracked a tooth the first night grinding my teeth in my sleep and my bed looked like I had wrestled with a rabid wolverine. Ive been getting by on Tylenol and hot tea, and last night was actually the first night in a few a few that I didn't have problems, so I think I am over the hump. I listened to the Monkey boys last concert via streaming video for a while and talked to friends online until I settled down and that all seemed to help quite a bit, so its all getting better.

Speaking of the band, they really seem to be hitting the big time and thats good and bad. Good that they are finally getting the recognition for being so wonderful, but bad because that kind of fame brings in the jackals that might try to change them. Already some of the things that endeared them to so many of their fans have changed, instead of their funky little way of getting around in ratty cars and a trailer that was spray painted and adorned with monkeys, they now have a tour bus. They have Mtv following them, and that is ...meh. Kinda expecting to hear that cameras wont be allowed at shows anymore if MTV gets their hooks into them too deep, and they finally have security, which to me as a former cop and always mom, is a good thing because frankly it scared the snot outta me that they just roamed about the country with no one watching their 6, but that also means a distance now...a loss of the intimacy and connections, its just inevitable. Fame is a difficult monster to control, I just hope it doesn't eat them.

School starts back tomorrow for the kids and I am actually going to get out and go have tea with some friends! I even met with a friend yesterday and it was soo damn cool. I am actually getting out and meeting people and trying to socialize and build human connections so that I dont just sit at home writing all the time, though I dont mind doing that either. I have written some more poetry and even a couple of more songs, so its not like my brain is just stagnating or something. My resolutions were to keep on trying harder, and to actually have a man to kiss this next new years eve, even if I had to go an knock on my young, gay neighbors door and give him the shock of his life, but I hope to actually meet a guy this year that I wouldn't mind kissing in the new year or who wouldn't mind me kissing them. Its been over 3 years since I have had a kiss from a man, same since anything else has gone on and I damn sure dont want to make it 4 years without some form of male contact. My ex actually had a woman interested in him. Yeah...seriously. He got asked for his phone number, they are now FB friends and talking I guess daily. She admitted to liking him for awhile. My frakking ex is more than likely gonna get some before me. What the hell is wrong with this picture?