Dear Roger;Who Knew It Would This Difficult To Get Laid?

So I am full force back into the dating world I guess you might say, and its pretty interesting. Men are a little different or maybe I am different. Not wanting a man around full-time kind of puts me on a different footing with them than I used to be, and though I enjoy their company, I can be much more picky than I used to be. I really want a younger guy to pal around with and kind of just have a casual, "Friends with benefits" thing, but it seems that its difficult to find such a critter up here. The two guys I have gone out with so far have been interesting, and I had a nice time, but there was no real spark or chemistry and to be brutally honest, I want a man that is just gonna want to make me jump him in the bushes. Its been so long since I had a good solid trouncing, that I just really cant even think straight about half the damn time. Seriously, women get those urges too and its really kind of difficult to get through the day, seeing all these hot young men scrolling across my desktop on my computer, and realizing that my only source of relief might be a few moments alone in my shower with a bargain basement shower head.

I am in shape. I dont stink. I cant get knocked up. Im not diseased. SOO...WHAT. THE. HELL?

I am just about to the point that I would pay for it, but I am poor, so I would have to pay for low rent pecker, and God only knows what that would result in...

I registered on a dating website after being cajoled into it by a friend of mine, and its resulted in some interest, but the results have been...odd? I have some things that are deal killers. If I write in my ad that I am looking for a guy that is capable of carrying on at least a coherent conversation and who is fit enough to survive a date with me, and a guy responds with an email that I cant even translate with my teen helping me, and the picture looks like something off of the beginning of the "Biggest Loser"(dont watch that crap, have only seen the commercials), then I am just going to hit delete), so I dont end up wasting his and my time. I dont have a bias against heavy guys, but I want a guy that can keep up with me, and if we weighs 300lbs, that aint going to happen.

My first date was interesting. He was a hot little Romanian guy that I would have gladly drug off into the bushes. He has this smile with dimples and green eyes and hes in great shape and...oh my goodness does he WEAR HIS JEANS! but...hes old fashioned, traditional, doesn't speak English so good, and it would be a LOT of work to get the point across to him that I just want uh...you know? It sounds terrible, but I have some guys I can talk to now. That is so nice. We talk music and art and Bukowski, Waits,guitars , beer, guns, cars and dirty jokes, and hopefully we will meet up and have a beer and a smoke soon at Kells. I miss hanging out with guys and especially guys that are younger minded and full of fun. I am working on getting back into the world I left, and maybe that will solve my lack of pecker problem, but the whole dating thing is so different than it used to be it kinda freaks me out.

I dont like guys that are into sports too much,I dont like guys that are prejudiced against homosexuals or other races, or guys that are rude to people. Im just freaking picky I guess. I like guys that are a bit weird and quirky and free spirited and most of all funny and able to laugh at themselves. I like guys with hair. The guy I went out with yesterday was a shaver, as in he shaved his head, and I was a bit disappointed. I mean, I like a guy with hair for a reason. I dont care about the color or the style or anything like that, but I like him to have some.Tattoos are nice, I have tattoos that arent flash tell me that there is an edge to him, kinda like me. Piercings are interesting, depending on the location, but the one thing I really dont care for are the ear vagina's. I dont get the whole,"Lets make the ear lobe have this HUGE gaping hole that will hang and look really weird when I am old" thingy...its a bit gross and kinda a deal killer. Im not a big drinker, but I will have a Guinness with pretty much anybody. Dont like big fancy dates, and Im not impressed by fancy dinners out. I prefer to meet and have coffee somewhere so we can sit and talk and I can see if there is that spark of interest that will fuel the fire. I haven't felt it often, and the few times I have felt it,its been when there was no chance of it being lit and burned. The slow burn I used to have is still there and still so far away. I miss it, and perhaps that is what keeps me from being willing to settle for less the perfect burn, but I do know I wish that something would come along that would light me up and make me forget all about the old embers.