Dear Roger: Is Somebody Trying To Tell Me Something?

I have been asked by a few folk who are not schooled in the writings of Samuel Taylor Coleridge, why I call my ex, the Albatross. If you have ever read,"The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" you would get that I see him as my harbinger of bad luck, my unlucky burden that I am stuck with. The stress is getting to me at times, and yes, I am hostile, very, very, hostile. Not a good place for me to be mentally. My hair is starting to fall out, my insomnia is back with a bloody vengeance, and I have taken to taunting him. Yes, I am a bitch. Its hard to be nice to someone you hold in absolute contempt. I actually dont respect very many men, in fact, other than you and my grandpa and pawpaw, I really cant think of any man that I held in absolutely high esteem or regard. They have all let me down. They are all lacking in some way. Him in more than a few. Hes fat, lazy, a whiner, and he spends more time trying to get around being responsible than he would actually doing the right thing.
I've been an enabler, and im done with that. Hes spending most days away from the house, which is a blessing, but he comes in around supper time, eats and acts like hes in a hotel. Hes sleeping in my teen sons bed, and hes supposed to be taking over the apartment, but considering I paid all the bills this month, including buying all the household things like soap and shampoo and things like that, I dont see him stepping up. I had to spend all my moving money to support everyone and he seems to have no plan. I have a plan. I have goals. I have a job that pays a real wage. He is a burden, 280lbs of dead weight that is driving me to the brink of insanity.
I found myself standing in my kitchen the other night, late, after everyone had gone to sleep and I was ragey and annoyed that my kitchen had been left a mess with dishes stacked up on the counter. I was at the sink wishing him harm. Angry to the point of tears when I felt a very distinct strong pat on my shoulder. I froze. There was no one awake in the house. I was alone, stressing by myself. It was comforting but distressing at the same time. Am I losing my mind? I decided it was time to just go to bed and pull the covers up over my head and sleep until morning.
Later in that week, I was up late with my eldest son, we were having a very intense discussion about the situation. It was actually almost a bitter fight that is only inspired by the albatross. We were saying hurtful things and my heart was breaking as we sat there in the wee hours, each of us unrelenting in our suppositions that we were correct. All of the sudden, the speakers next to us began playing very softly the song,"Black Diamond" by the 100 Monkeys. My ipod was shut off. In fact the switch on it was set to the locked off position because the cats tend to step on it and run the battery down. The speakers had been shut off as well. My son and I both looked at each other, neither moving, both a little freaked out.
"What the hell, mom?" He was goggle eyed as he looked at the Ipod and showed me the blank screen and the locked off position, yet the music was still playing. He gingerly unplugged it, and I think both of us had decided that if the music continued to play we were leaving home and not coming back, but it stopped. The music broke the fight, and we made out peace for the night, both sleeping on what we were fighting over and deciding to start fresh the next day.
The next time was a little more attention getting and more personal. At 0230 in the morning, I was sound asleep in my bed when I was awoken by the sounds of my favorite Spencer Bell song,"The Stars Are Mighty Bright Tonight". It was loud. Loud enough it woke me up. In my groggy mental state I was prepared to go yell at my son who I thought was listening to music too loud. I had forgotten he was spending the night at a friends house. I staggered into a dark living room to find my previously disconnected Ipod, connected to the speakers, but still showing off and in the locked off position, playing the song, loudly. I gently reached down and unplugged it. The shut the speakers back off. Checking all rooms finding all family and others asleep in their beds. Soo...what the hell? Am I finally losing my mind? Im fine with that. Going completely off the rails would probably be a good thing right about now. It would be like a nice vacation from the suck.
The one really positive side effect of the whole iPod thing going on is that now my kids wont touch my iPod or the Bose for love nor money, convinced they are possessed or something. That is a win for sure.