Dear Roger: Indulge The Monkey Habit

I indulge my kids as best I can, everybody who knows me, knows that. I am more permissive than my some of my friends think is acceptable, and they are fairly convinced that my allowing my children to read, listen to or see some of the things they love and hold dear; is the sure fire path to hell. I don't agree and I think its actually really served them well.I was allowed fairly free rein as a child to read what I wanted, and I remember getting my first Stephen King book around the age of 12 and realizing that there were people out there who enjoyed getting the snot scared out of them just as much as I did, and it made me feel less like an outcast. You taking me to art galleries and strange movies and talking to me about music like Pink Floyd and the Talking Heads as well as introducing me to all kinds of ideas that there was a would full of people with different beliefs beyond what I found in that small town, was my salvation. You sparked my curiosity and made me question everything and hunger for more. I remember carrying home stacks of books that I read all summer long on your suggestion, just so I would be grounded in the classics and aware of what people were talking about when they made some vague reference to something or someone in a song or a movie and you got me to try different types of food and meet all kinds of people, helping me to realize that differences went beyond black and white and brown, that there were cultures so rich and vibrant and colorful that I would one day spend half a decade living amongst them and have a child who was a beautiful blend of both worlds.
I do my best to show my kids the same world you showed me. I give them books and access to things that sometimes may be a bit on the mature side, and they are aware of the reality of our lives. I dont hide from them the fact that money is tight and often lacking, when we are low on food or they want something I cant get for them, I tell them the truth so they are aware that life isnt always easy and while we might have it tough sometimes, we actually have it better than 2/3's of the world. We talk, we argue, we debate, and we discuss concepts that many families avoid talking about because they are uncomfortable, but we cant. Being the parent of a child with special needs who is entering puberty, I have already had to deal with some difficult situations and having,"The Talk" about appropriate public behavior with 4 kids ranging in age from nearly 8 to 16, was not fun and my eldest son was ready to put an end to the almost 12 year old, but it got the point across. My eldest son is very rigid in is moral code and at times its almost annoying. He is very anti-smoking, anti-drinking, anti-drug(thank God), and he is against premarital sex. Some how I have a son who is pretty much a textbook straightedger and he makes no bones about it. He says its just being a good Christian and living what he believes, but he gets on my case about cussing or listening to anything that has cussing in it, he gets on his siblings cases for sitting around in their underwear,(especially his sister), and he tells her to act more,"Ladylike". We had an argument the other day about me letting her watch some videos he felt were inappropriate, but she countered that he couldn't really find anything other than implied masturbation and violence that could possibly be inappropriate for her. She is a fierce debater when it comes to defending her Monkey fella, and that was the crux of the whole argument, her brother was on her case about that again and I think he was just bored and looking to fire her up. It got pretty heated and I just refereed, and eventually, she won, but he really has become quite a prude and she told me the other day,"Mom, you know how you said if anything happened to you that he would have to take over raising me?" I told her that was correct. She said,"Well, could you please find anyone else or tell them I could raise myself? Please?! Hes such a jerk he has already said he would pull of Jacksons head and I wouldn't be able to go to anymore concerts!" Brothers...I swear, the boy is enough to make me forget I speak English some days. Hes got a good heart and I know he loves her to death and that he was just saying that to get her goat, but I want to thump him in the ear.
Hes actually pretty proud of her right now, we just got word yesterday that after evaluating her coursework, looking at her test scores and what she is reading and other factors, the new school is placing Stevie in the 3rd grade with Gifted programming and 4th grade language arts. She is thrilled about that and even more excited to be getting her online access to a yoga class. She intends to force me and her brother to participate.Speaking of online, I caved and set her up a Facebook and a twitter account and I have begun teaching her netiquette. She is a quick learner and was over the moon to be able to compose her first tweet, which of course was not to me, but to her most favorite person in the universe. As always, I am playing second fiddle to a monkey.