Dear Roger: Who Picked Out The Color Scheme? Monkeys? Funny You Should Ask...

My decor has issues. Right now my 7ft long, black,(but oh how I wish it was brown bomber leather with wood framing, couch, has two furry bodies on it. One, a teen boy who knows how much I hate it when he sleeps on my couch in his shorts and wife beater and sweats into the cloth, and the other? The long-haired, shedding,grey and dilute tabby(most certainly NOT BLACK),cat that the ex abandoned with us. Spencer is at least asleep on the floor for now, though once there is room, he will quickly try to gain a spot on the couch. I have crimson accent pillows on the couch. The son wanted purple.I cant say I am a fan of purple. I like red and since I was buying them, red won. I have a nice, dark wood coffee table that I got at a garage sale from a Russian lady who also cut me a smoking deal on an old battered trunk and ceramic sculpture that I liked.
I have what may or may not be a Stickley chair that the kids refer to as,"The ugly--assed, butt killing, hobbit seat" and another antique steamer trunk in the living room that our tv sits on. We have hats and metal wings and a cross and mirrors and concert posters all over the place, and monkeys...there are fucking monkeys EVERYWHERE.
They are not really noticeable at first, but once you hang out for a bit, you start to notice them. My Texas star in the dining room has a small plastic monkey climbing up it, and my daughter has managed to stick monkey stickers,(courtesy of a friend of mine), on most any surface you could think of. There are sock monkeys hanging out in odd places like my boots, and then there are pictures and concert posters for the band the 100 Monkeys all over the place. Even the boys room is not unscathed.
I used to be very organized with my color schemes in my dwellings, I like burgandys and earth tones and woods and the like and even leather and just natural looking colors and materials that almost seem as if I was trying to lure in a man with a man cave style trap. Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't, but I liked it. Now though? My home is an explosion of noise and a riot of colors. There is a monkey shower curtain! My black shower curtain was taken down and hidden and there are monkeys climbing palm trees over a PURPLE rug in my bathroom. A purple rug? Yeah...my towels dont even match anymore. I was told that was,"Boring". I have blues in all shades and a khaki, and a green and then it deteriorates from there into PINKS and TURQUOISE! and the hand towels are blood red with black wash clothes. I miss my black towels.
I have to share a room with my daughter. I have a red comforter from Ikea and some plaid sheets, occasionally some black or red ones slip into the mix, but her? She mixes and matches and she has some she calls,"Monkey fur", they are brown and they are polar fleece, they dont match her Paul Frank monkey face comforter that is an absolute riot of colors. She has pictures of that boy,(Jackson Rathbone) all over the room, and her monkeys and her art supplies are everywhere. I had to toss paint brushes and her monkey out of my bed the other night so I could go to sleep, she was not pleased to find him not tucked in properly,(I feared for my safety), so I made sure to apologize...to the gnarly stuffed monkey. There are bandannas and boots and drawings and now, worst of all? GLITTER! GLITTER ON MY STUFF! She is making him a Valentine. Its huge. Its currently all over my damn desk, displacing my wireless printer and my books. She has an easel, but its not good enough. Glitter...Did I mention I am glitter phobic? She got it on her older brother the other day. I didn't tell him. I enjoyed a private laugh all day long.
The boys room has dragons and super heroes and monkeys and Spencer Bell posters in it, along with bright orange sheets and purple blankets.
I guess I shouldn't complain, when the ex was here, he hated all the,"Weird crap" we had all over the place and the monkeys and the mirrors and clocks annoyed him. That was wonderful. He wouldn't let me paint the house when we were together. When he went away, I walked through the house painting every room and even sometimes every wall a different color.My world was spent so long seeing nothing but the dull grays and tans that he forced upon me, and now that my life is a riot of colors and craziness,(and yes, monkeys), I guess I will just roll with it, though I still am glitterphobic and probably always will be.