About Me

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Portland, Oregon, United States
Middle aged crazy, a little on the broken side,been to hell and back and still make side trips into Purgatory to indulge the masochistic side of my personality. I'm Texan,Southern,Over-educated,arrogant, temperamental,oversexed but under-indulged.Chasing after younger men and the happiness that has eluded me for most of my life.Music and literature are my passions.Finally living the dream in my idea of Heaven.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Dear Roger; A Sense Of Displacement

Waking in the wee hours before everyone else with a feeling of being awoken for a reason, but not being able to find out why? is always a disconcerting sensation, but awakening like that, and then having a massive dizzy spell that takes you to your knees, is a less than pleasant way to start the day.
I managed to find the perfect birthday cake for my baby girl today! After hunting all over hell and half of Portland, I found a monkey cupcake cake, and not some lame "Curious George" cake either, NOO, this thing is like the perfect monkey cupcake cake, as if it was made with my little girl in mind. I got really lucky too, because I got the very last pattern kit they had too and even though its only got one, "googly eye", I know she wont mind, she will be thrilled that it is a monkey and that it has a banana mic! My friend is going to let me borrow her car so I can drive over an pick it up in the morning and deliver it to her school in time for her class to have as an after lunch treat. I got a some stuff to make a cake for at home as well, but I have no real skills for making super fancy cakes, or the pans for doing it, in fact I dont even have a full sized cake pan because we just dont eat the stuff around here, but her and her little friends in class will be happy and all sugared up for the end of the day and the trip home and she will have her monkey stuff.
I try hard to pull off small miracles for my kids. I wont be able to deliver her hero, but I am going to deliver the next best thing as soon as I can. I am trying to figure out a monkey mayhem based explanation for her main present being late once again. She is going to be getting a t-shirt and eventually their new album, and once I can find one, a poster of her favorite boy, and I am damn sure holding her fathers feet to the fire to provide the promised copy of the "Last Airbender", of course that means I will have to buy a dvd player, but he promised it, so its the least he could do. Grandparents of course have forgotten her totally once again, but she is used to that and would be shocked if she got anything, including acknowledgement, from them.
Her big brother has been doing his level best to alternately drive her crazy and entertain her lately. He has been trying to act as if he is her parent/boss lately, and considering she is very intelligent and a little on the independent side, she is not taking to his bossy side very well at all and the fights have been enough to make me a bit on the crazy side. When he is entertaining her, he shows that he is capable of being a wonderful and doting brother, in fact, he imitates her hero to amuse her. Today he was doing his "411" days and even I was giggling just a bit. He played his guitar for her, and they sang together for a bit, and then...then he pissed her off. She snuck off to go swipe one of my twizzlers and he took it away from her and ate it and then the war was on. She threatened his guitar, he hung her upside down and said he was going to tie knots in her hair or hide her Jackson, and then she tried to kick him in the nards. I had to intervene when she ended up accidentally getting getting hit in the nose and then started crying. He felt terrible and she got mad, so I had to stop it and make them both sit in time out until time to leave for church. She is a tough little chick, and she loves her brother, but he does drive her crazy at times.
I haven't been writing as much lately. I think I have Spring fever or something going on. I get ideas as usual, in the shower. It never fails that when I am least prepared to write something down, I get these brilliant flashes of entire paragraphs or stanzas or even whole songs, but when I dont have a way to write them down I tend to lose them, or I lose the flow. I know it will come back, I have just been in a bit of a funk, and it hasn't gone totally away, its just not burning like it was, its more just kinda creeping like slowly cooling lava. Perhaps the looming prospect of my 42nd birthday in April is what is causing the problem, or yet another failed attempt to find some form of male companionship, I really dont know, but I do know that I am going to get a tattoo for my birthday, and maybe an evening out with some friends.
Life is not bad, its not horrible, Spring is right around the corner and with it, pretty boys in t-shirts and the concert season and the hope that maybe my baby girls favorite boy will wander back this direction and I will be able to give her a late birthday present that will make both of us happy,(because we all know I like looking at him too), I aint gonna lie about it.

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