Dear Roger, Floods,Fires,Wrecks,Tornados,Hurricaines,I must be indestructable!

Well this is a fine how do ya do! I decide to get the fuck outta Dodge, and Dodge decides to burn the hell down to celebrate the departure. In the past two days we have had no less than 5 freaking forest fires start up around here, and of course the biggest and most bad assed of them has to occur right off my God damned front porch!Now those Cali folk may be used to their crap burning up every couple of years, but around here its been a damned long time since we have had anything this dramatic of a nature occur, and I am really not enjoying all the commotion. I am less than 1/8 mile from heavy forest, and I am so glad for that 1/8 mile because I have watched trees explode into flames all day long from my front porch and wondered just when the hell they were going to get slurry bombers to start working the magic on them, but it was 8 hours before that happened because of course Mother Nature decided to throw another little curve ball at the fire crews in the form of Flagstaffs typically fun, 50-70mph wind gusts, and of course we all know that airplanes dont do so fucking great in winds like that in mountain passes.
The ex came out to see the kids before they close all the damn highways and such and he was kind enough to load up all my valuable things like the Gila Monster Painting and my antiques and some of the kids things, and then I got "Go" bags loaded for the kids and such and expected him to follow the advice of the nice firefighters and evacuate and let me stay with my dogs until the last minute when I would then either run them out or hang tough, but NOOOOOO! hes refusing to leave me here in peace in quiet with my dogs. I am fine when I know my kids are safe. Yeah, I have been a damn twitchy mess today, just the thought of going to some crowded shelter with my kids and being separated from my dogs and them getting sent to God knows where, had me jerking and twitching and spazzing all over the place, but he doesnt get that if he took the kids and got them safe, I would be fine here. I know this place is going to be fine because I have lots of defensible space around the house and I know what to watch out for in fire behavior, but try and force me to go to someplace where I have no privacy and people will stare at me and my kids, I will be a damned basket case in short order.I dont cuss or bark but today has been just about bad enough to make me start. My ex is actually trying to be nice, but its grates on me to have him around very long because we have very different lifestyles and he hates my music and I annoy him and when I am tense and twitching really bad or stuttering, he cannot help himself, he has to make fun of me, its like he doesnt even realize he has done it until after the fact and I yell at him like I did today,'Dont you fucking make fun of me in my own damn house!" Because he had just mocked me when I got stuck on a word for forever, and I was already frustrated and obsessing over the fact that the evacuations were being announced and I was trying to sort out what I was going to do about that,as well as face the fact that I was going to have to probably deal with being out of control of the situation.Soo, I wanted him to take my kids and go with Fergus so I know they would all be safe and I would stay here and lay low unless it was a lost cause, and then I had a plan to take the Bernards and Finn and run our asses to the main road. Instead, he has to go and muck up my plans by trying to be all nobel and saying that he is not leaving me here by myself to face danger! Holy fecking Hell!! Im a Goddamned Ex-Cop, Ex-Firefighter,Ex-EMT, and I am still pretty damned bad assed and he freaking well knows it. I may be older, but I am not the one with the paunch. I play soccer and I survived the damn winter here and I still work at staying in shape. He is the one that got told,'Hold my holster" when some scrote tried to break into my truck down in Tucson. He actually said that if he had to punch me out to get me to leave, he would do it! I had to laugh! As if! He knows by now that I can take a punch, so he tried to guilt trip me into agreeing that I would leave with the rest of them on a merry trip to hell, he sent in the Stinky Princess to ask me to promise her that I would go with them if it got any closer. The rotten bastard! But we are taking the dogs and im staying in the car with them and we can bark and growl together.
I have survived many, many, calamitous events, in fact my nickname,"Calamity" comes from an adventure I had in firefighting down in the Nogales Mountains on the border when I had walking pnuemonia and was only supposed to be providing water to other firefighters, but "accidentally" ended up on the leading edge of the flame front with a pulaski and it was my misfortune to end up getting chased up the side of the mountain and getting the backs of my ears and such scorched as the fire crested behind me. It wasnt like I brought the fire with me, but my chief wasn't very forgiving and I ended up dispatching for a while and he stuck me with the nickname.
I have also been in more than a couple of epic vehicle accidents, including a roll over of a pick up truck that rolled 4 times down the side of the I-40 into a ravine in the snow,and my seatbelt broke, yet I walked away..sort of, I mean, yeah,my brains were jostled a bit, but I am still around and most synapses fire sorta normally. I survived 2 majorly scary motorcycle dumps and I still love riding motorcyles, and no...I do not now, nor have I ever worn a helmet, nor will I.
As I have tried to tell the ex in the past, heaven does not want me, hell is afraid I will take over.