Dear Roger;Modern Torture Techniques? Hell, I could write a book on that Shit

Soo, I picked a really great week to do a pretty fucked up thing,I made the concious and informed decision to watch a movie on torture. Now before you go bitching me out about it, I HAVE been in counseling for the Post Traumatic shit for months now, and I have good days and bad days, and truthfully, things are always going to bother me and I am not going to hide from stuff for the rest of my life because it might set me off, and I REALLY like the actor that was in it and I thought I could handle it. I actually made it through most of it without leaving the room, though as predicted when they did anything with knives and scalpels I had to exit stage left pretty Goddamed quick.
I even found myself critiquing their methods in some ways, like pulling out of fingernails? Thats soo old school! Mike knew that if you simply smashed the finger at the last knuckle on no more than three fingers of a hand, you could inflict waaay more pain that lasted a lot longer and often led to what is known as compartment syndrome. Smashed and bruised fingers on one hand are easily explained away as an accident, much like smashed toes.Body blows? waste of time! Joint manipulation works soo much better and does not leave marks.Being he was in a profession that allowed him access to scalpels and things like potassium so he could threaten to inject it into the vitreous humor of the eye and stop the heart of pretty much anyone you cared about and not leave any evidence, he preferred the more psychological aspects of torture instead of the brute force, but he was a pure sadist and very creative.The neck popping torture he preferred still has me jumping out of my seat pretty much anytime someone in a movie gets their neck snapped, and I still cannot stand for anyone to even try to adjust my neck without wanting to inflict harm upon them. He was waay into knives and scalpels though, and I reacted so over the top to the edged weapon training in several of my jobs that it was brought to my attention that I might have a bit of a problem with that,(I tended to shoot first and ask questions later)but the cutting of the junk, while it might have made every guy in the theatre squirm and yeah it might sting a little, its much more effective to make slices in the rib cage along in the intercostal spaces(between the ribs)that way everytime they take a breath or scream(and that shit was not allowed), they get a fresh reminder. Screaming.tsk tsk, that was not allowed, especially when there is a knife at your eye and you are being told just how much pressure is needed for a Tanto blade to remove an eye. Sadist,yes, that is what he was, and for all I know probably still is. I found out I was pregnant. He fucked up, he slipped and I ended up pregnant and I valued that small life enough to finally escape. He ended up staring down his own .357 one evening,(I had learned how to pick the lock to his filing cabinet), and I limped my brutalized ass out to my truck and left and fled for my life and my sanity. He stalked me,threatened me, and he wanted to kill me and my baby.The state investigated and determined that he was a,"Very credible threat " to my safety and the safety of my unborn child, and they left him off the birth certificate and left me alone. I hid from him for over 14 years, and my son has never known and will never know his father.
He gave my son some killer good looks,(he was an actor as well in a few movies),the ability to pick up and play pretty much any musical instrument he desires, and charm, but the one thing my boy wants more than anything he was denied, a dad.
I cannot ever run the risk that my son would be subjected to even one moment of what I went through, and I would do whatever it took to insure that.
Post Traumatic Stress is a bitch to live with, and the same type of vehicle he drove when I knew him still makes me nervous, or hang up calls from California numbers or even Southern Arizona still put me on edge.
I have to laugh at the the usual movie monsters, they dont bother me, vampires and werewolves and things like that? No sweat! The human ones though? those I know are real, and they tend to bother me just a little more.
"Unthinkable" was a damn good movie, I didnt like to see Michale Sheen getting messed up because I like the guy as an actor and its hard to see him as a bad guy,(except threatning Dallas, NOW THAT ...grey area because I am a Texan), and I think I would have skipped it if not for him being in it, but I have a nice cold Guinness to take the edge off and nothing to do of any import tomorrow, so if I dont sleep tonight, Ill just take a walk.