Dear Roger;Judge Much?

I have decided to make the leap.My oldest son and I will be leaving here on or about July 5th and we are headed for the North West with plans to start off in Oregon, and perhaps end up in either Portland or Seattle, and if that doesnt suit us, we are going to look at Vancouver and Tacoma, either way, we are going nomad and leaving Flagstaff with no concrete plan to return. I am leaving the 3 youngest kids here in their home for the next schoolyear with their father, and people are judging me like I am the worst person in the world. I am not abandoning my children, I am strinking out in an attempt to make us a new and better life in a place we can afford to live without totally turning their lives upside down. The next schoolyear here for them is already a well established entity. Stickys IEP is in place, he is repeating the 3rd grade with a 1:1 aide that is like a grandmother to him and a teacher that not only advocates for him as well as I do, she loves him. Stubby will be going into a classroom that uses music to teach and sooth children are high tone and she pushes gifted kids like him. The Stinky Princess is going into an good class and she has soo many friends that keep her busy, she will rule the 1st grade much like she did kindergarten. There are people here who will keep an eye on things with them.
While there father and I had and have our problems, he loves his children and he will do right by them.
My eldest son deserves my time and he is coming back after a 2 year exile, and he doesnt want to be in Flagstaff where there are no real happy memories for him. We need to try and go where we can build a new life and a chance for a stable home without all the strain and stress that we have lived with here, and once we have that, we will reunite as a family. But dragging the little kids into an unknown would be unfair and traumatic thing to do.
We will have Skype and phone calls and trips home on holidays until the end of the next school year and hopefully all of us will be in better places.
It has been a rough few weeks for me. For some reason people have felt like they have free rein to comment on my style of dress, my weight and my life style and I just do not know what the hell to think about it. I am a grown ass woman and I have already decided that I am not dating anything in Arizona, so I dress to suit me and most of the time that is tight ass skinny jeans, cowboy boots and rock t-shirts or wife beaters and often a cap and cop style sun glasses. I do not care if it looks a little "butch", I am not trying to impress anybody, but GodDAMMIT I wish to hell that people would quit trying to offer me fashion tips. I like my clothes, I have always dressed funky and weird and its just me, if you dont like it, dont look, and I have pretty much decided that the next person that comments is going to get told off.
My weight is not by choice. I am not anorexic. I am not starving by choice. I do eat. I really resent being called "Skinny Bitch". I am not trying to impress anyone. I challenge anyone to take 100mgs of Topamax a day and try to keep weight on, c'mon try it, I dare you.
My life style, so I act a little goofy at times? How do you want me to act? I have seen and dealt with shit that would give most normal people screaming nightmares for days, and I keep functioning. I have had to shovel people off the highway, I have sifted through decomposed brains to find bullets, I have had to call the parents of young men and wake them out of sound sleep to tell them that theis sons were dead due to a drunk that wasnt even injured.I have carried the bodies of dead children, held the hands of people while they died.I have been less than 2 lbs of trigger pressure away from killing a person and I have had a straight razor at my throat and I still wake some nights feeling it there.More of my close friends are dead than alive,Im broken and cant seem to fix myself,lost and trying to find a path to follow, and by getting further away from all the pain and ugliness that has haunted me for so long, I am hoping I can begin to repair myself.
People who havent lived my life for the last few years really should step into my boots for a week or two. I guarantee they would need more than a short coffee break.