Its not easy being the parent of a teen boy. He is a moody, difficult, and often volatile man child that seems to sometimes forget that his baby sister, who even though she got tested and proven to be a fecking genius, is just a little girl who is barely out of kindergarten. He is often ravenous, eating seemingly his weight in food in a day and then looking for more, stinky and sometimes secretive and flighty. He has taken to practicing his guitar for literally HOURS on end, and he has come up with some interesting "mash-ups" of many songs, playing them fluidly in ways that boggle the mind, and even creating his own riffs, yet when I ask him to work with me on writing music to go with some song lyrics I have written, he blushes and freezes up and says,"Mom, im not that talented and I would just mess your stuff up."
Hes talented, but he doesn't see it, though he has enough arrogance going on to realize that he is a good looking kid and he tries to capitalize on that with some of his teachers. I have even heard him flirting with some adults to try and get his way! He has managed to get meals and drinks and things like that by just batting his eyelashes at store clerks or working his dimples! He admitted that to me the other day when he came home with a soda when I knew he didn't have any money.I asked him how he got it and he said,"Oh, the lady who is the manager at the restaurant likes me so she gives me stuff from time to time when I go in there with my friends. I just kinda talk a little like thiiis (he turned on the Texas drawl) and I smile and she gives me a soda or some fries." Roger, I about lost my damn mind! I know where he learned that little bit of manipulation and its partially my fault because we had a conversation about it a while back.
We were talking about my favorite little fella and how he had gone from being a Texan to being a "Coon-ass" Louisiana boy. I had commented that playing to the occasion and turning up the accent to charm and work whatever crowd might be around, was a clever way of staying on top of things and while some folks might not like it, I didn't mind because its all part of being in that line of work. I guess my son pays a little more attention to things than I had thought, because apparently he is working it too. Jesus wept Rog, its not fair to unleash that kinda stuff on women. Son has been in a growth spurt again and he no longer has to stand on his toes to look on top of the damn fridge. He just looks and he can see if I have any chocolate stashed up there or stray cash. He went through 2 boxes of cereal in two days, a gallon of milk and a box of twinkies along with his regular meals, so food is a definite issue around here, along with buying him clothes.
He has asked about getting a job, and while I am not thrilled with the idea of him working, I guess as long as he keeps up with his schoolwork I really cant forbid it anymore than I can him growing up. He needs money for some of his own stuff, and I could use the financial break from having to buy him new jeans every month. He is also going through guitar strings really fast. He made the last set last a lot longer than they should have, and he was pretty disconsolate that his guitar sounded so crummy because I couldn't afford to buy him new strings for so long. If hes putting in the effort to practice and get good by playing for 4-5 hours a day, then the least I could do is try to indulge him that little bit.
He has started letting me hug him again! Thats a good thing because he went through that whole , "Im a guy and too big for my mom to be hugging on." so I had missed getting hugs for quite a while. Now he often grabs me and hugs me before he leaves for school in the morning and we ALWAYS say a hearty round of ,"I love you's" each and every day.
He told me I am a,"Cool mom", and I asked him why he would say that? I often doubt my job as a mother. In fact I feel I have failed on so many levels. I have made horrible choices in men, we are chronically poor and he has had to do without a father, a safe and stable home, and many of the things that normal kids have in their lives. I am moody, often self-centered, and often sick or dealing with stress or health issues that make me difficult to be around, but my son tells me that he has never doubted that no matter what, no matter if he was the biggest pain in my ass or if he failed or if he made mistakes or even if he was mean to me, he knew I loved him. He said he knew that no matter who he chose to love, I would love him and eventually them(his girlfriend is growing on me), but if he had been gay I would have loved him the same. I never falter in my love and devotion to those I care about because of things like that and it has made an impact on him. He now thinks the same way. I commented about a daughters love of a certain young rock star being something that is going to lead to a rude awakening for her some day, and he said,"Yeah, but she loves him no matter what and you do too and that just means you have raised her right and that you are a cool mom." I dont know when I became so open minded about these things, maybe it was after realizing that all the secrecy is what killed Robert and all the bigotry and hate is what I resented in my father, or maybe it was just realizing that love is love is love and whatever side of the biscuit that someone butters is just their business and if they are lucky enough to have love in their life, then they should be allowed to enjoy it as long as they are both consenting adults.
My dating is going well. I have met a guy that didn't flinch and run away screaming when I tried to scare him off and it looks like I will be seeing him again. Hes not some young hottie, but hes funny and smart and an artist so we will be able to have a pint or two together and chat about things.
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