His choir concert was last night, and it was drama and stress getting ready for it. He was ticked off that we were going to have to walk in the rain. I didn't know what he expected to happen, I couldn't pull a car out of my ass in the few hours he was at school. We dont have the money for a car. I know it sucks, but its just not affordable for us. I can barely handle the housing expenses right now, a car payment would kill us. Its expensive to support kids and he doesn't seem to understand that all the things I provide for him cost money, but hopefully he will realize it soon.
The concert was okay, but I could not believe how damn LONG it went. I met up with my friends parents who have been good friends to us as well, and we got some decent seats, and when it finally got going, my sons part of the choir sang for a grand total of maybe 5-7 minutes and then the rest of the night was the concert choir and the other groups, but would the director allow my sons group to leave? Oh hell no! We were there until 930! my butt was numb from sitting in that seat. I know it was probably a great show, but I really dont like the choir director, and its not her fault. I have a visceral reaction to her because she reminds me of the drama teacher I had in jr. high school. Yeah, I was in drama...I was also in art and photography and I wore Doc's and I was defiantly not one to the cheerleader types and our drama teacher was oddly one of those who loved the cheerleader types. We had issues, serious issues, issues to the point that I ended up leaving regular drama by the time I went to high school and i went into Technical Theater and I learned how to run the light and sound boards and build sets. Its funny looking back on it, me being into acting. thhhpt! I try to discourage son from getting into it, but I enjoyed it until I encountered Ms Hevner and I realized that it was just a matter of who liked who and not who knew the lines and hit the marks and such. I have that strong sense of injustice that makes me speak out and that does not work in that world where you have to grin and bear it.
Daughter got an award for academic achievement yesterday. I was so damn proud that she was recognized for work above her grade level! I have to say that her handwriting is already better than mine and her coloring when she takes her time, is beautiful. She uses 5 dollar words like they are normal for someone her age and she is in a reading group that is made up of advanced 3rd graders, not bad considering she is a 1st grader. She was so cute when her name was called, she hopped up off the floor and then she skipped to the podium, turned with flair and then curtsied to the crowd as they laughed and clapped. She already knows how to work the crowd! She stood at the front with the other kids blowing kisses and waving while people took pictures. I swear she had been watching concert videos of her favorite little rock star a bit too much because she was mimicking some of his moves. She already dances down the sidewalk in the mornings and sings on the bus I have been told, so she may be the one that is the performer in the family. I had to fuss at her the other morning when we were getting ready to go to the bus because she didn't have her boots on and she was sitting on the couch reading her bible! I have had to take it away from her and make her get up and move before because she gets to reading it and gets too focused. She wrote a cute story for her brothers birthday, but he growled at her when she tried to show it to him and that broke her little heart. I feel bad for her sometimes, I know she misses her relationship with her other brothers and I know that the vast age difference between her and her older brother makes things difficult, but he could try a little harder to be at least kind to her.
I know he is bummed about us being broke on his birthday, but its partially his fault. I had held onto enough money to pay for dinner out, but he asked for my pay card so he could buy lunch. I reminded him that if he used it, we wouldn't have money for dinner out, and he said he understood. I know its harsh, but I have always tried to stress to my kids that there are no heroes for us. No one is magically going to come and rescue us or help us out with a new car and free money and take us away to a great life of leisure in the sun. We have to work and struggle to survive. There are no Prince Charmings, no Knights in shining armor. We wont win the lottery or find an family heirloom worth a few million bucks, and that show that fixes peoples lives cant fix us. We got our fix when we got out alive. We are in the sunshine and we are damn lucky. Nobody is getting hit or threatened and though things are tough, its not about the things we dont have, its about the things we have. We have each other and a roof over our heads and mostly enough food and a chance to do well. Nobody is a drug addict,or drunk or criminal and we are trying our best. Life is not easy and nothing is guaranteed. I have tried to teach him that, and though I have spoiled him along the way by often sacrificing things of mine to ensure he had more than we really could afford, he is a damn good kid that makes me proud even when he is being a bit of a knuckle head. I am going to bake him his carrot cake and we are going to have steak and stuff at our friends house tonight and hopefully he will remember this birthday for the fact it is one that he didn't have to worry about anything other than the typical 15 year old boy worries.
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