Dear Roger; Ever Have One Of Those Days? I Think Ive Had One of Those Lives

Yesterday was the day from hell. I got a call from the ex first thing in the morning and that always sets the tone for such a lovely beginning to a day. He was calling because Sticky had said his cheek hurt and he wondered if maybe he had a tooth ache. I questioned him right away about the type and location of the pain and then I told him to get him to the doctor right the hell away. Sticky tends to get Buccal cellulitus and if its not treated quickly, he would end up having to have surgery to drain his jaw and ear. My ex bitched and complained about having to take him in, but he said he was going to. In the mean time I told him to make sure he but warm compresses on it and gave him sour candy to chew on to make the salivary gland drain. My ex then decided to drop a bomb on me and tell me that my sons case worker had called and that I had a phone interview with her on Monday. I am still the administrator for my sons financial interests because ex is a convicted felon and he is legally precluded. So I handle all his expenses and such and I make decisions regarding his him, but due to my ex being my ex and the fact I cannot be near him for safety reasons, he has my child, though I hope to change that in the very near future. I hate dealing with these interviews, they are intrusive and annoying and insulting. My sons expenses vastly outweigh any help they have ever given him, but they feel the need to act as if they pay for the paper he wipes his butt with, and I can tell you, with as much as he uses, that is not the case. His glasses for this last year cost me over $600 in repairs and replacements, and hes gone up a full pant size in a moth as well as a shoe size, so its just a constant struggle to keep up with the expenses of a growing boy. Much less one with special needs that does property damage. I had to replace the front commode twice, pull the pea trap in the front and back sinks several times, replace flash lights, screens, door knobs when keys went missing and fix the van several times because of things he did, so I think I can prove that he is being accounted for handily.

Anyway, so my ex decided to tell me while he had me on the phone, that because he has had to deal with sick kids, he hasn't been able to work and he wont be sending daughter any Christmas presents! That bastard had promised he was going to send her "The Last Airbender" I was counting on him to take care of that for her, and now her Christmas is going to suck even worse? This is terrible. So far she has a set of sheets and a dress and a plastic harmonica. Nothing from her grandparents who had sent word that they weren't doing Christmas because they had too many grand kids, but now her own father is doing nothing for her? I am beyond broke and all the local agencies are swamped. Its going to suck around here so damn bad. Her brother just scoffed and said, "What the hell did you expect from that jerk?" My son was a bit hurt I think, in spite of all what he had been through, that he didn't get so much as a phone call from anyone including the ex, on his birthday. I was pissed about it. My family frankly, sucks. Son was actually nice to daughter a bit yesterday, and hopefully that will last through the holiday and she will at least have that. Son is leaving with my friends on Sunday to go to Long Beach for a 4 day vacation that I was supposed to get to go on with them, but due to the interview/phone call I have to deal with, I cant go, and because I am not going, daughter doesn't get to go either, so the poor kid is just screwed all the way around and that is so damn unfair.

I worked yesterday and it was also a bit of a buzzkill as well. Not only did a mountain of damn heavy assed boxes end up falling on me and I have a whopper of a bruise on my knee and my back, but one of the crazy bitches I work with, thought it would be funny to go waving a razor around me and joking about cutting throats. I dont know if she knew about my "issues" or what, but when she got close to me with that razor knife, I threw a box between us and stepped back and then I slammed into a damn rack full of crap that was right behind me, so the only option I had was to grab something heavy and prepare to bash her ass. Luckily one of the chicks I work with regularly stepped in between us and told her to cut it the fuck out, and the chick looked surprised, "I was just kidding,do you have a problem with razors?" no fucking duh! I was in full stutter mode by then so it took me a bit to answer her, but I said,"No more of a problem than you get after someone tries to kill you using one." I think the look on her face was pretty fucking priceless. She felt like an ass and everyone around her was looking at her like she was the biggest idiot on the planet. I was glad to get done with my shift and go home. I had figured I would be getting laid off pretty soon, but so far they keep scheduling me which is surprising. I dont talk much and I prefer to not go out onto the floor and work around the customers, but I get the stuff done and I dont bitch and complain about things, so who knows, maybe they need me? We will see.

I made Orange chicken for supper last night and son actually took a break from torturing the guitar to come out and eat some dinner. He is working on learning a Spencer Bell song that we both love called,"Beautiful,More So" and I think his problem with it is that hes just not used to playing the more upbeat and faster things on an acoustic. He has been practicing and practicing, and though he doesnt have the sheet music for it and hes trying to pick it up by ear and by watching poorly lit concert videos of guys playing it, he is still struggling to get it to suit him and its funny to hear him trying. He is such a perfectionist and he will be strumming along and its like," strum, strum, strum....CRAP! ...strum strum strum...WTF?!! ARGH!! Strum...MTFKR!! (SON!! LANGUAGE!) strum...strumstrum strum....GODDAMMIT!!" I made a suggestion that he was scandalized to hear, I told him to go hang out by the heater vent that we had in common with the hippy/stoner neighbors, that maybe he was just too tense and angry to be able to play that song. ' MOM! Are you suggesting that I need to be stoned!" No, what I am saying is that you need to quit fighting the music, its not about that, none of that music is about the kinda pain you have, you have to find a place that will allow you to let some of that go so you can feel the better vibes of that song and let yourself get into it. He looked at me like I had grown a second head and told me that I was getting strange in my old age, and then he started playing 'Smoke on the Water" on the acoustic which blew me away. He also plays a bunch of Everlast and Sublime, so the kid has poor white trash angry angst down very well.

Son had a nightmare the other night. The worst he has ever had in his life. It was so bad he was still shaking and pale when I got up in the morning and He was in tears telling me about it. He dreamed that someone had some in and killed his entire family. He was taken to a place that he didn't recognize and that was barren and scary and left all alone. I told him that I thought he was having a dream about turning 15 and that he was now a young man instead of a child and that he was dealing with the death of his childhood in a symbolic way, though I am sad to say my sons childhood died the minute I met my ex when he was 2 years old.