Dear Roger:That Texas Mean Streak May Just Be Genetic

Its been a busy week for me. I finally nutted up and posted not one, but two stories and it was terrifying. I haven't done anything like that in decades and all the self-doubt came bubbling to the surface after I hit that send button and I about withdrew both of them within minutes of doing it, but then I started getting reviews...people like them! They are not happy tales with pleasant endings, hell they are based of things I lived through so you KNOW that they aren't the fluffy bunny, rainbow kinda things. I still cannot believe I did it, and I didn't tell anybody in my real life about it. They wouldn't understand that something I used to to with ease and pride now comes with difficulty, but hell, maybe my self-confidence will come back with all the reviews.

I haven't gotten to see much of my guitar since I got it. My son has been messing with almost constantly and I am glad. The only issue we had was when he took it to our friends house for an impromptu jam session and lesson and our friend decided to re-tune my guitar! I wasn't too happy about that, but I didn't make a deal of it because I want my son to keep playing.

Daughter had a choir concert at her church this past Sunday. She was quite the stress case in the days leading up to it and she was practicing almost constantly so she would be perfect. During the concert, a little girl in front of her kept fidgeting and messing with her skirt, not following along with the songs, or generally being a typical 6 year old kid. I could see the irritation building on sis's face, and it reached a boiling point when the little girl bumped into her and almost knocked her off the riser. Right there, in front of the entire church congregation, my daughter took her booted foot and put it right to the ass of that other little girl! I about fell out if my chair laughing as did most of the congregation. Everyone could see as my daughter then put her hands on her hips and proceeded to bless out the other little girl, right there on stage during the concert.She then flounced her hair back over her shoulder and went right back to singing with her perfectly angelic face looking as innocent as the day she was born.

Daughter is quite the pistol and I am not sure what to think of her some days. She has made so much progress since we have been up here. She smiles so much more and she really shows her artistic and dynamic side. She is still pretty wary around men, and yelling or tension really freaks her out and she shuts down if she hears that, but overall she is doing quite well. She is just as devoted as ever to her quirky young rock star and she spent over 2 hours yesterday drawing a birthday card for him, so I guess I have to find somewhere to mail it. I got her some of his bands memorabilia for Christmas. I hope that will make up for the fact our Christmas is gonna be pretty damn thin this year. The ex got a ticket at the worst possible time so its going to hit us pretty hard because he is going to have to have help, otherwise my boys wont have a Christmas at all.

I miss my sons so damn hard. A little boy with Downs was up on the stage during daughters concert and I lost it when he started dancing along, much like Sticky would have done. Of course the ex had to add to it later by telling me that when he was asked what he wanted for Christmas he said,"I want my mommy." I miss my babies so damn much, I wish my ex was someone capable of keeping his word, but I cannot risk that for my daughters sake, I have a feeling the next time I ended up on the wrong end of a straight razor with him, I wouldn't be walking away, we are just too dangerous around each other.