He alternates between a kinda ambiguous ambisexuality that leaves me wondering if hes gay, to getting caught getting felt up by his girl friend in the back of my friends car. He is a slob that has a room that looks like a hobo mosh pit, and an appetite that frankly, scares me. He eats constantly but is as skinny as a rail. He now towers over me and he grows out of clothes seemingly daily. I try to talk to him about how things are going for him, and sometimes he will talk to me, but most of the time he just grunts at me and goes back to either playing the guitar or talking to friends on his computer. He has never really had a good male role model and that worries me. He has no one to talk to about what all went on in his life and last night when his best friend had a family fight and ended up at our house for a bit, my son was tense and nervous and I could tell he was remembering things back in Arizona. It got worse from there, the boy decided to go get his backpack for school and my son went with him. I dont know what happened, son wont talk about it, but he came home distraught and shaking and without his friend. I dont know if the parents had the kid arrested as a runaway, or if the fight got worse or what? I intend to find out today, but I am pretty ticked off that they embroiled my son in it.
Ive tried asking guys I know what I should do to help him or how I should deal with his issues, but most of them just tell me to find someone at his church. The problem with the church is that its mostly older, rich, family men who have no idea what he has been though and there is no commonness of culture. Hes a poor kid who has never known a father, abused by a step father and shuffled around the country, separated from his brothers, no real grandparents,but he has never been in trouble, never been in fights, doesn't do drugs, is kind and respectful to people and when he isn't being all emo, his grades are stellar an his test scores are through the roof. Hes gifted in music and athletics and hes good looking to the point that he gets looks from all ages, so he has the potential to do what he wants, but he hasn't got that fire that will take him there. He is just wandering along and that worries me. He s apathetic and I think a big part of it is that he feels hopeless and I am unsure what to do about it. Hes a good boy and I would do anything for him, I just wish I knew where to start. I tried to have a conversation with him about the need to protect himself and that if he was fooling around with his girlfriend he needed to take into consideration that there were worse things that pregnancy, and the minute I said "condoms" the boy freaked out and jumped up telling me,"MOM! stop, nothing happened! I am not doing anything, we didn't do anything, I have no intention of doing anything! Lets NOT have this conversation right now, I am celibate, I am a virgin, OKAY?! " soo I started crying and hugged him which embarrassed him and he patted me on the back trying to calm me down and I just was so relieved. He is going to be 15 in a couple of weeks and I just hope that he keeps that thought and stays safe, because God knows that having a kid young or being a single parent is brutally hard, I have agonized over every decision I have made,every single day. Protecting him from his father has been hard,it meant we did without soo many things, and things he rightfully should have had, such as the financial stability that his fathers support could have given him, but his father was a man who kept his word about things, especially things that dealt with revenge, and when he told me that he would kill me and the baby, I believed him. I still believe him. I never saw him not keep his word when he said he was going to do something terrible. My sons safety was worth more than than anything his father could have provided, and when that state investigator came back and said that he had found valid proof to believe that his father was a viable threat to the safety of myself and my child, I knew we had to just vanish and stay hidden. I tried twice as my son got older to reach out and see if attitudes altered but his father was still just threatening and the paternal grandparents were offended that there was even a child. My son wants to know his father, and I have seen on his Facebook page that he lists his hometown as Santa Monica, but I just hope and pray that he waits until he is a big enough and strong enough to handle all the repercussions of that meeting.
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